Politics Jokes

President Clinton announced that he will be attending the in-state rivalry football game between Clemson & South Carolina.

He heard they both “Suck!”

I noticed some interesting things about Monica Lewinsky:

- Nobody would know about her if it weren’t for Bill
- She sucks
- She blows
- She’s bloated
- She’s the focus of a huge legal battle
- She’ll go down in a heartbeat

Who does she think she is, Microsoft Windows?

Top 10 ways the White House will be different now that Hillary has moved out:

10. President no longer sleeps alone.
9. Faucets in master bathroom now dispense scented massage oil and gravy.
8. Forget dress-down Friday—now all-nude Friday and pantless Monday through Thursday.
7. Volumes of Hillary fan mail redirected to new house.
6. Hillary no longer writing volumes of fan mail to herself.
5. No pressure to cuddle.
4. Token male intern transferred out.
3. Oval office now covered with “Vote Giuliani” posters.
2. Women’s soccer team no longer has to win the World Cup to spend night at the White House.
1. Menorah taken off living room mantle.

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent, and the three wives stayed in the other. Around 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, “WOW! UNBELIEVABLE!”

Bill woke up and asked, “What’s going on?”

Bob said, “I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my wife!”

“How come?”

“To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever had in my entire life!”

After a pause, Bill said, “Do you want me to come with you?”

“Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?”

“Because that’s mine you’re holding.”

This Just in:

A truck load of Viagra has just been hijacked off I-95 hours ago.

Area police said they’re on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!