Religious Jokes

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you bothbetter be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, nuzzles them, and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor. He remarks, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the young man and asks, “Can you top that?”

“No problem,” replies the young man, “just get that lion out of the way.”

Two elderly, excited women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of lust, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs…”AMEN, BROTHER!”

When the preacher condemned the sin of stealing, they yelled again…”PREACH IT, REVEREND!”

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying…they jumped to their feet and screamed, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER…TELL IT LIKE IT IS…AMEN!”

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet, and one turned to the other and said, “He’s done quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

One day God decided to take a trip to Earth, and as he was traveling, He come up to a man who was crying. “My son, why are you crying?” The Lord asked.

“Well,” the man sobs, “I was born blind and I have never been able to see the beautiful sunset.” So the Lord heals him and he able to see and the man is happy.

Then God travels a little further and notices another man crying. “My son why are you crying?”

“Well I was born a cripple and I have never been been able to walk in the sand on the beach.” So the Lord heals him and he is happy.

Then the Lord travels a little further on his journey and comes to man who is also crying. “My son why are you crying?”

“My Father, I work for the government.” So the Lord sat down and cried with him.

There was a kid that came in 30 min. late, so the teacher said, “Where were you?” He said, “I was on top of Blueberry Hill.”

Another kid comes in 1 hour late, and the teacher says, “Where were you?” He said, “I was on top of Blueberry Hill.”

Then a girl comes in an hour and a half late, and the teacher says, “Let me guess, you were on top of Blueberry Hill?”

She said, “No, I AM Blueberry Hill !!!”

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One is a bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.