Religious Jokes

LORD, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people who really PISSED ME OFF!

Three nuns were walking down the street late at night, and a flasher pops out from behind a tree. He opens up his coat and bares all - total eyeful!

Well, the first nun had a stroke.
The second nun had a stroke.
But the third nun - well, she didn’t even touch him!

Q. What’s the difference between deer nuts and walnuts ?

A. Walnuts are about $5.00 a lb. and deer nuts are under
a buck.

Two Priests died and met at the Pearly Gates at the same time. The computer was down, so St. Peter asked them if they would hang out on earth for a week as anything they wanted. They both agreed.

The first priest asked to be an eagle for a week. “So be it,” said St. Peter and off the priest went.

The second priest asked to if he could be a “Stud” for a week, and St. Peter once again agreed.

A week later, the computer was fixed and the Lord told St. Peter to recall the two priests. “Will you have any trouble locating them?” he asked.

“The first one should be easy,” replies St. Peter, “He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”

“Why?” asked the Lord.

“Because he is on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota.”

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the Church Board, following the close of the service.

The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the Board Members,” explained the minister.

“I know,” said the man. “but if there is anyone was who more bored than I was, then I’d like to meet him.”