Religious Jokes

What do balls and Jehova’s witnesses have in common?

They always come in pairs and you never let them in.

During World War II, Private Goldstein was anxious to get married before going overseas, but he was stationed in a small town in South Carolina and couldn’t get a furlough. His fiancee, Becky, was perfectly willing to come to South Carolina, and did so; but once there, a difficult problem arose. Becky was a pious girl and insisted on being married by an Orthodox Jewish rabbi. In the small town where Goldstein was stationed, however, there were no Jews, let alone Orthodox rabbis.

Nothing would do, then, but that they must send for Rabbi Cohen from the Bronx. The good old man agreed to help them in their dilemma; he took a plane to Charleston, and a bus from there to the small town.

When he got off the bus, several youngsters in the vicinity were struck speechless at the sight of an aged man with a long, gray beard, curling earlocks, ankle-length black coat, and conservative black fedora. They had never in their lives seen such an apparition, and they followed after him, running forward once in awhile to stare curiously at his face. More and more children joined the procession until poor Rabbi Cohen found himself leading a full parade.

Losing his temper at last, he whirled at them, shook his fist, and cried out, “What’s the matter with you kids! Haven’t you ever seen a Yankee before?”

A naive wife, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at a party over the holidays. A friend of the couple brought his brother who had just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a drink from the tray and turned to the Priest and said, “I’m so sorry Father, I’ll go right back to the kitchen and bring you a Coke.”

The Priest smiled and said, “No need. I may have alcohol. Priests abstain from sex, not the grape.”

“Oh !” said the wife blushing, embarrassed. “I knew there was something I wasn’t supposed to offer you.”

Susie Sunshine asked her Sunday School Class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Little Johnny’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.

“The Flight to Egypt,” said Johnny.

“I see. . . And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,”she said. “But who’s the fourth person?”

“Oh, that’s Pontius — the pilot!”

What has six balls and screws you once a week?

The lottery.