Religious Jokes

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. It takes eight people to collect all the money!”

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Da-ad”….

“What?”

“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”

“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”

Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad….”

“WHAT?”

“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??”

“I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!”

Five minutes later…

“Daaa-aaaad”…

“WHAT??!!”

“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”

Mr. Bailey saw his son’s shiner and demanded, “Scott, who gave you that black eye?”

“No one,” replied the spunky lad. “I had to fight for it.”

An atheist was hunting one day in a deep woods and while spotting a deer he took aim but his gun jammed. Hearing a noise behind him he turned to see a ferocious Grizzly drooling and growling as it approached him.

He immediately fell to the ground and re-thinking his beliefs he called out:
“GOD, if you exist, please… take this bear away!

He then heard a voice from above.
“You of all people want my help? You denied me for years!”

The man hung his head then asked, “Well you are right, but if you won’t take him away will you at least make the bear a Christian?”

God was silent a second then said, “I suppose I can do that.”

At that moment the Grizzly kneeled down and said, “Thank you God for what I am about to EAT!”

Dear God please grant me patience,

And I need it RIGHT NOW!