Religious Jokes

A couple takes advantage of a beautiful Sunday afternoon to attend an auctioning off of bulls.

The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.”

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, “See! That was more than 5 times a month!”

The second bull is to be sold: “Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year.”

Again, the wife bugs her husband: “Hey, that’s some 10 times a month. What do you say to THAT?”

Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale: “And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!”

The wife then slaps her husband on the arm and yells, “That’s once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!”

The husband was really angry by now and yells back, “Sure, once a day!…But ask the auctioneer if it was 365 times with the same COW!!!”

A Jewish girl runs up to her father and says, “Daddy, Daddy, I need $50.”

He says, “$40? What do you need $30 for? I think I have $20 in my wallet. Let me check. No, sorry, I only have $10 in ones. But since I am such a kind and loving father, I am going to let you borrow one of them. And at only half interest, too.”

Every Saturday morning, Grandpa Walt found himself babysitting his three grandchildren…all boys. The kids always wanted to play “war,” and Grandpa somehow always got coaxed into the game.

His daughter came to pick up the boys early one Saturday and witnessed Grandpa taking a fake shot as Jason pointed a toy gun and yelled, “Bang!” Grandpa slumped to the floor and stayed there, motionless. His daughter rushed over to see if he was all right.

Grandpa open one eye and whispered, “Sh-h-h, I always do this. It’s the only chance I get to rest.”

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”

Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”

A PRETTY GIRL WENT TO CHURCH FOR CONFESION. THE PRIEST ASKED HER, “WHAT IS THE MATTER.” SHE THEN SAID, “MY BOYFRIEND DID SOMETHING BAD TO ME.” THE PASTOR NOW KISSED HER AND SAID. “DID HE DO THIS TO YOU?” SHE SAID, “NO” HE HUGGED HER AND ASKED, “DID HE DO THIS TO YOU?” SHE SAID, “NO.” HE NOW PULLED OFF HER CLOTHES AND ASKED, “DID HE DO THIS TO YOU?” SHE SAID, “NO.” HE NOW MADE LOVE TO HER AND ASKED, “DID HE DO THIS TO YOU?” SHE SAID, “NO.” THEN HE ASKED, “WHAT IS THE THING HE DID THAT IS MAKING YOU CRY.” THEN THE GIRL SAID, “HE GAVE ME AIDS!”