Religious Jokes

A group of sisters from a local convent were out for their Sunday bike ride through the suburbs. They were quite a sight–seven in a row on one of those seven- seater tandem bikes, headed, of course, by Mother Superior.

They went over a speed bump. In unison, they all let out an excited “OOOOOOOOOO!”

Mother Superior turned around and looked at them sternly. She admonished the nuns, “Sisters, you must quiet down!”

They went over another bump, “OOOOOOOO!”

Mother Superior again turned around and warned, “Sisters, PLEASE! You’re making a spectacle out of us!”

When they hit another bump, . “OOOOOOOO! they said in unison.

Mother Superior turned around and gruffly said, “Sisters, this is you last warning. One more OOOOOOOO! out of you, and we are going to have to put the seats back on!”

Because of an anticipated voter-turnout much larger than originally expected, the polling facilities may not be able to handle the load all at once.

Therefore, Republicans are asked to vote on Tuesday, November 7, and Democrats on Wednesday, November 8.

Please pass this messagae along and help us to make sure that nobody gets left out.

I recently received an accident report from a nurse about an elderly man who had fallen from bed during the night (true account).

The incident description was as follows:

“Heard a noise from the side ward and on investigation found Mr.N had fallen out of bed. There were no obvious injuries and he was able to get back into bed with two nurses.”

An Englishman, a German, a Scotsman and an Irishman are in a London pub, trading stories about how dumb their wives are.

“My wife,” says the Englishman, “is so dumb that she spent $300 on frozen pork chops because they were on sale, and we don’t even have a freezer.”

The German says, “Oh yah? My vife chust bought skis, und ve liff no vhere near a mountain.”

The Scotsman says, “Aye, lad, that’s prrrety dumb, but my wife just bought a car and she canna drive.”

The Irishman starts laughing at his own wife’s stupidity and says, “Ah, me wife is a total idiot. Yesterday she was packing her bag for a trip to America. She threw in a box of condoms and she don’t even have a penis.”

A Sunday School teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would absorb the drama.

Then she asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”

A thoughtful, little girl broke the hushed silence. “I think I’d throw up.”