Religious Jokes

Did you know that Adam was a Pollack?

Who else would stand beside a naked woman in the Garden of Eden and eat an apple?

A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top. She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.

A little boy playing in the sand looked up at her and said, “Lady, if you’re going to drown those puppies, I’ll take the one with the brown nose.”

It’s a murder mystery. Can you finger the perpetrator?

A workman was killed at a construction site. The police began questioning a number of the other fellow workers. Based on past scrapes with the law, many of the following workers were considered prime suspects:

* The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged.

* The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time.

* The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn’t do anything, that he was framed.

* The painter had a brush with the law several years ago.

* The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges.

* The mason was a prime suspect because he gets stoned regularly.

* The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter.

The autopsy led the police to arrest the carpenter, who subsequently confessed. Why?

Answer: The evidence against him was irrefutable. It was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.

Case closed.

Q: who made the fist soda pop?
A: adam he made eves cherry pop!

After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to get it up anymore. He goes to his doctor, his doctor tries a few things out, but nothing works.

Finally the doctor says to him, “This is all in your mind,” and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, “I am at a loss as to how you could possibly cured.”

Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.

The witch doctor tells him, “I can cure this,” and throws some powder on a flame and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke…… The witch doctor says, “This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you you have to do is say `1, 2, 3′ and it shall rise for as long as you wish!”

The guy then asks the witch doctor, “What happens after, when it’s over?”

The witch doctor says “All you have to do is say `1, 2, 3, 4.’ Then it will go down. “But be warned, it will not work again for a year!”

This guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news…… So, he’s lying in bed with her and says, “1, 2, 3,” and suddenly he gets a hard-on.

His wife turns to him and says, “What did you say 1, 2, 3 for?”