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Loading ...The death of Princess Di is one of those circumstances in life that you will always remember where you were.
For me I was at a party. There was a lot of drinking going on and I was beyond hammered.
One lady at the party came screaming and crying, “Lady Di has been killed! The papparazzi have killed Lady Di.”
My response was “Papparazzi, that fat, opera singing bastard.”
(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5) Loading ...Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic woman croned, “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he’s called ‘Your Eminence’.”
Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the other three give her this subtle “Well…?”
“Look,” so she says, “My son is 6′2″, he has broad square
shoulders; he’s terribly handsome and dresses very well. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, ‘Oh my God…’.”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So, they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.
The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve
decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man and, after the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this. Let’s have a man-making contest.”
The scientist replied, “Okay, great!”
God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”
The scientist said, “Sure, no problem.” He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord’s Prayer.
She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother.
She said, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us
some e-mail.”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...girl: I’d like a triple vanilla ice-cream sundae with chocolate syrup, nuts, and lots of whipped cream.
waiter: is that with a cherry on top?
girl: heavens no! I’m on a diet.
An accountant got out of bed and complained that he had not slept a wink .
“why didn’t you count sheep?” his wife asked
“I did, that is what got me into trouble,” the accountant replied ” I made a mistake during the first hour, and it took me until this morning to correct it.”
baby skunk: Can I have a chemistry set?
mama skunk: What ! and smell up the house.
