Wedding Jokes

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, “We will all die some day, and none of us really knows when, but if we did, we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.”

Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment.

Then the leader said to the group, “What would you do if you knew you had only four weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?”

One gentleman said, “I would go out into my community and tell the gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.”

“Very good,” said the group leader, and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do.

One lady spoke up and said, enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.”

“That’s wonderful!” the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do.

But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, “I would go to my mother-in-law’s house for the four weeks.” Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader asked, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?”

Then the gentleman smiled sarcastically and said, “Because that would be the longest four weeks of my life!”

Why would you ever want to remarry an ex-spouse?

It’s like finding some sour milk, putting it in the trash for a couple of days, and then wondering to yourself: “Gee, I wonder if it’ll taste any better now.”

1. The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”

2. In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.

3. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

4. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.

5. Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

6. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

8. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

9. Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.”

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful.

The young bride’s mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.

“Never let your husband see you in the nude,” she advised. “You should always wear something.”

“Yes, mother,” replied the obedient girl.

Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, “Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?”

“Not that I know of,” she answered. “Why?”

“Well, we’ve been married for two weeks now and every night you’ve worn that silly hat to bed.”

“My girlfriend is great!” exclaimed Ogden, ” She looks great, she’s smart, she’s charming; she’s one in a million!”

“Well,” piped up Slaggy, ” My wife is not exactly ‘one in a million’…she’s more like ‘won in a raffle.’”