Wedding Jokes

Q. Where do cows go for their honeymoon?

A. Moo York

“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, “but I don’t know her size.”

“Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

“Oh, yes,” he answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.”

“Will there be anything else?” the salesgirl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves.

“Now that you mention it,” he replied, “she also needs a bra and panties.”

How is marriage like a tornado?

At the beginning there is a lot of blowing and sucking and at the end you lose your house.

The Italian virgin Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her: “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother, “All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.”

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony, took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. “Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!”

“Don’t worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take good care of you.”

So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs.”Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!”

“Stay here and stir the pasta,” says the mother. “This is a job for, Mama.”

Two women were in a hair salon talking about their lives at home when the subject of flighty husbands came up. “It’s unbelievable,” one woman says. “I can never figure out where he goes at night.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” says the other woman. “One second he’s in the house, and the next he’s gone without a trace.”

“Well,” says a woman eavesdropping nearby. “I always know where my husband is.”

“How do you manage that?” the other two ask.

“Easy,” she replies. “I’m a widow.”