(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. “What took you so long to answer?”
“I was in bed.”
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
“Getting a second opinion.”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...This homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes on Sunday morning and set about doing all the chores he’d been putting off for weeks. He’d cleaned the garage, pruned the hedges and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and yelled out her window, “Say, what do you get for yard work?”
The fellow thought for a minute, then answered, “The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.
“Doctor,” he said, “I need you to cut off my dog’s tail.”
The vet stepped back and said, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?”
Bert said, “Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...What is the only true way a man can die happy?
Single.
(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The first woman said, “When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me.”
The second woman commented, “Well, isn’t that nice.”
The first woman continued “When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive.”
Again, the comment, “Well, isn’t that nice.”
The first boasted, “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”
Yet again, the second commented “Well, isn’t that nice.”
The first woman then asked her companion, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”
The second woman replied, “My husband sent me to charm school.”
“Charm school!” the first woman cried “land sakes, child, what on Earth for?”
The second woman responded, “So that instead of saying ‘who gives a flying “___” (insert your favorite expletive), I learned to say ‘Well, isn’t that nice!”
