Wedding Jokes

Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he’s going to divorce his wife.

“Good grief,” says Jim, “You and Sue are the happiest couple I know - why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?”

“Well,” replies Fred, “Truth be known I’m just bored with pokin’ the same hole night after night after night. I guess I’m hankerin’ for a bit of variety.”

Jim thinks for a while and then suggests, “Well if you want variety, why don’t you just, you know, turn her over every now and again?”

Fred shakes his head and says, “What - and have a house full of kids???”

I worry about the future of my marriage, because my wife always introduces me to others by saying, “I’d like you to meet my FIRST husband!”

Adrian bought a little plaque at a novelty shop that said “I’m the Boss,” thinking it was really cute, and put it on his desk at work, and went to lunch.

When he got back, there was a note on his desk:
“Your wife called, and she wants her sign back!”

The confirmed bachelor decided to marry his long-time girlfriend.

“I have to warn you however,” said he, “that on Mondays I play bridge, on Tuesdays I work seminar, on Wednesdays I go to the gym, on Thursdays I play indoor soccer, on Fridays I go out with the boys from work, and on Saturdays I go to the rugby with my mates, but on Sundays I’m all yours.”

“That’s fine,” she said. “Just as long as you realise that I screw every night of the week, and it’s your problem if you’re not there.”

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for awhile, but then smiled and said, “It really works!”