Wedding Jokes

There was this old couple getting ready to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man went out shopping to find a really nice present for his wife.

When he returned home, he found his wife standing on her head naked. For the life of him, he could not figure out what in the hell she was doing , so he asked,”Honey…what in God’s name are you doing naked ,standing on your head??”

“Well dear,” she replied, “it is our 50th anniversary, and I was feeling kind of romantic…we are getting old, and I figured since you can’t get it up anymore, you might as well drop it in.”

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.

Once a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food…..

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

The National Football League has announced that the Washington, D. C. franchise will no longer be known as the Washington Redskins. The National Association for the Advancement of Native Americans in a separate announcement took credit for the change, and promised to intensify their efforts to get the Atlanta Braves and Cleveland Indian baseball franchises to do the same. This is result of the combined efforts of Indian groups with other civil rights groups culminating in success after a five year campaign to have the derogatory name changed, the NAANA announced.

National Football League officials strongly deny the change was due to pressure from Indian or civil rights groups. The NFL states the changes were necessary to reflect the recent
character of the team.

The team will now be known as the Washington Tampons. This new name was felt to be appropriate because Washington is good for only one period and it does not have a second
string.

Recently, a 93 year old woman’s husband passed away at the old age of 91. The two were very close and she hated every second she lived without her husband. In fact, she was so depressed that she came to the decision that she wasn’t going to live either and that she’d kill herself to be with her husband.

She wanted to make sure that she did it right so that she wouldn’t screw up and become a lemon and a burden on her family. So, she called her doctor. She asked him, “Doc, where is my heart?” The doctor replied, “It’s under your left breast.” She didn’t want him to get suspicious, so she immediately said “Okay.” and hung up the phone.

The next day, the hospital recieved a call reporting an old lady with a gunshot wound to her knee.

An octogenarian newlywed husband boasted of his passion almost every night of his honeymoon.

“Almost every night?” a fellow oldie said.

“Yes,” the newlywed said, “Almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday…”