Wedding Jokes

An American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket.
The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, “These remind me of my husband’s testicles.”
The American woman says, “That big?”
The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.”

A couple goes back to their original honeymoon hotel for a celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary.

After all the family festivities they retire to the original room they stayed in on their honeymoon night 50 years prior.
The woman is done with her bathroom antics and her husband takes her place for his turn to get ready.

The elderly man takes quite awhile in the bathroom, as is his norm, and his wife spends the time figuring out the best way to look the most seductive when he comes back out of the bathroom.

She tries on several nighties, some pajamas, sexy undies, a nice teddy with lace trim. Finally she decides that naked and ready would be the best bet, so she lies back on the bed and aims her lower torso towards the bathroom door. As soon as the door to the bathroom opens she raises her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband steps into the room, takes one look at his wife and immediately bursts into racking sobs.

“Aw, honey. What’s wrong? Do you love me so much it brings you to tears?” she asks.

“No,” he sobs, “Fifty years ago I couldn’t wait to eat that. Now it looks like it wants to eat me!”

A man phones the dentist and asks,
“Can I have an appointment to take a tooth out?”
The dentist replies, “Yes, I can fit you in at 4pm, it will cost $50.”
“I can’t afford that, can’t you do it cheaper?”
“Well, if you come at 5pm, the receptionist has left, so I don’t have to pay her wages, $40.”
“Still too much.”Come at 6pm, There’s no electricity, it’ll be dark. $30.” I still can’t afford it.”
” Come at 7pm, However, I won’t have any anaesthetic, so it will be really painfull, the tooth will just be pulled out, there could be serious bleeding, I can do that for $15.” “Fine, I’ll tell the wife to come at 7 pm then.”

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the lady. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my husband’s mule stumbled.

My husband quietly said, ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband took a pistol from his pocket and shot him.

I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’”

A couple was enjoying a romantic dinner, celebrating their 35th anniversary when the husband says to his wife, “Honey, it’s wonderful having been married to you for 35 years, but there is one thing I’ve often wondered and have never known for sure. Have you been true to me throughout our married years?”

She suddenly gets this flushed look upon her face as responds, “Does it really matter? What really counts is that we have been happy and we’ll be together the rest of our lives.”

“Yes, I know,” he answers, “and it really doesn’t matter. I would just like to satisfy my curiosity.”

“Well, to be honest, I did mess around, somewhat,” she replies.

“How many times?” he wants to know.

“Three times,” she responds.

“After 35 years, I guess that’s not too bad,” he replies. “And with who?”

“You remember the time when we didn’t have enough money to close on the down payment for our first house?” she queries.

“Ah, with the banker!’ he surmises.

“That’s correct,” she answers.

“And do you remember the time we were in desperate straits when you needed back surgery and we couldn’t afford it?” she confesses.

“Ah, with the surgeon,” he responds.

‘That’s right,” she stammers.

“And when was the other time?” he asked.

“Well, you remember when you wanted to join the country club?” she asked rather squeamishly.

“Yes,” he answers.

“And you needed 210 votes…”