Yo Mama Jokes

This really happened in 1976.

A woman saw a snake slithering across her kitchen floor and screamed for her husband.

Husband comes running out of the bathroom and stepped on the dog.

Husband gets down on the kitchen floor to look for the snake. Dog comes up behind and as his cold nose touches the husband he faints thinking it is the snake.

Wife calls paramedics who rush to the scene and load husband onto stretcher. Snake decides to make appearance at this time. One of the paramedics is startled and drops his end of the stretcher causing husband to crash to floor breaking his leg.

Don’t know if snake was ever caught.

yo momma so damn dumb when the judge said “Order in the court,” she said she’ll take some fries, a shake, etc.

yo momma so damn dumb she thinks speed dial is fast acting soap.

Your mama is so nasty, she has to put ice cubes down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.

1)Yo mama’s lips are so big, Chapstick had to make an aerosol.
2)Yo mama is sooo fat, her high school Sr picture was taken from a blimp.
3)Yo mama is soo fat, she got more chins than China town.
4)Yo mama’s so fat, you can’t even see her legs……it just looks like she is glidin across the floor.
5)Yo mama’s soooo fat, when she goes to check the mail….it measures on the rector scale.
6)Yo mama ain’t got any back, and she’s always frontin’
7)Yo mama’s sooo fat, when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy’s word for it!
8)Yo mama’s glasses are so thick, she looks at a map and can see people wavin at her.
9)Yo mama’s so lonely, she has to rub herself with bar-b-q sauce to get the animals to stay.
10)Yo mama’s so stupid, someone said it was chilly outside, she went outside with a bowl and spoon.
11)Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought that St. Ide’s was a church.
12)Yo daddy’s so fat, he had to put on his belts on with a boomerang.
13) Yo mama’s so ugly, if ugliness was bricks, she would have her own projects.
14)Yo mama’s teeth are so big, she bit into a piece of gum and took off a toe.
15)Yo mama’s so skinny, she had to get under the clothesline for shade.
16) Yo mama’s so skinny, she has to jump round in the shower to get wet.
17)Yo mama’s so skinny, she could walk thru a harp and not make a sound.
18)Yo mama’s so skinny, whenever she swallowed a bb, everyone thought that she was pregnant.
19)Yo mama’s so skinny, she has to wear combat boots in the shower to keep from going down the drain.
20)Yo mama’s so skinny, they could paint her red and call her a thermometer.

One afternoon, a little girl excitedly approached her mother and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, “Really, Sweetie? Why don’t you tell me all about it?”

The little girl explained, “Well…OK…the Mommy and the Daddy take off all their clothes, and the Daddy’s thing sort of stands up, and the Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sorts of explodes, and that’s where babies come from.”

Her Mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye and said, “Oh, Honey, that’s sweet, but that’s not where babies come from. That’s where JEWELRY comes from.”