Yo Mama Jokes

A man goes over to Japan on a business trip.

That night he decides he would like a bit of action so he goes down to the local brothel.

Finally he picks a young lass and takes her back to the room, strips off and starts banging away.

After about two minutes the young girl starts yelling HIROSHI HIROSHI HIROSHI.

The man hears this and thinks to himself, this must be a Japanese word for wonderful or something to that effect.

So the next morning he goes golfing with a prospective Japanese client.

The client tees off and gets a hole-in-one, so the business man, remembering what he heard the night before, starts yelling HIROSHI HIROSHI HIROSHI.

The japanese client turns around and yells,

“EH WHAT YOU MEAN WRONG HOLE?!”

A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, “FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F*CK-UP!”

For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he’d been about to draw his gun. He couldn’t have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large.

In memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved “Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a f*ck-up!”

On 23 August 1779, the USS Constitution set sail from Boston, loaded with 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of water, 74,000 cannon shot, 11,500 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum.

Her mission: to destroy and harass English shipping.

On 6 October, she made Jamaica, took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.

Three weeks later, Constitution reached the Azores, where she provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 2,300 gallons of
Portuguese wine.

On 18 November, she set sail for England where her crew captured and scuttled 12 English merchant vessels and took aboard their rum.

By this time, Constitution had run out of shot. Nevertheless, she made her way unarmed up the Firth of Clyde for a night raid. Here, her landing party captured a whiskey distillery, transferred 13,000 gallons on board and headed for home.

On 20 February 1780, the Constitution arrived in Boston with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, and no whiskey.

She did, however, still carry her crew of 475 officers and men and 18,600 gallons of water.

The math is quite enlightening: Length of cruise: 181 days Booze consumption: 1.26 gallons per man per day (this does NOT include the unknown quantity of rum captured from the 12 English merchant vessels in November).

Naval historians say that the re-enlistment rate from this cruise was 92%.

Yo mamma’s mouth is so big that she talks in surround sound

This just in, the leading killer of all women over 70 whose husbands take Viagra is a HARD ATTACK.