Yo Mama Jokes

An elderly woman went to Chicago representing her small church delegation at a religious conference.

After checking into the hotel, she entered the elevator to go to her room. When she looked up, she noticed that there were two incredibly large black men in the elevator next to another mid-size black man. Being from a small town and having never been to the big city, the woman was terrified.

As the elevator door closed and the woman turned around one of the men said (in a strong authoritative voice), “Hit the floor!” The woman froze in horror, ready to drop to the ground.

The woman turned around to face her attackers. At this point the man said, “Which floor, lady!”

When the men realized what she had thought they were doing, they burst out laughing. As she exited the elevator at her correct floor she could still hear them laughing as the elevator ascended upwards.

The next day the woman was checking out of the hotel and asked to see her bill. The hotel clerk handed her the bill. On it was this note. “I have paid your bill with pleasure. You have given me one of the best laughs ever! Signed, Eddie Murphy.”

(True story, as told to me by Becki Patten)

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words possible.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

I thought the window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my
universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentlemen as he bounced off the roof of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end.

YO MAMAS SO FAT WHEN SHE TOOK HER PITURE FOR HER DRIVERS LICENSE IT SAID PICTURE CONTINUED ON BACK !!!

Yo mama so stupid, she ask me what jeans am i wearing, i said guess and she said levis.

She offered him honor.
He honored her offer.
All through the night,
It was honor and offer.