Yo Mama Jokes

yo mama so fat when she walk by the tv you miss three channels!!

YA MOMA SO BALD YOU CAN SEE WHATS ON HER MIND.

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old
friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two
practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head.

3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety
record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film’s depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one withincity limits.

5. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis,but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuriesand back pain.

6. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with theshredder.

7. A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

8. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “liedetector” was working, the suspect confessed.

9. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

10. A Los Angeles man who later said he was “tired of walking,” stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

11. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo: During the final days at Denver’s old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and
said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.” The agent replied, “I’m sorry sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
passengers behind him could hear, “Do you have any idea who I am?” Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
“May I have your attention please?” she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate.” With the folks in line behind him laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore “(Expletive) you.” Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to stand in line for that too.” The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly.

your mom is so fat…she went to Sizzler’s and got a group discount.

your mom is so fat…her belt size is equator.

your mom is so fat…she was baptised in the pacific ocean.

your mom is so stupid, she told me she tripped over a cordless phone.

your mom is so old, she walked by an antiqe shop and they put a price tag on her.

your mom is so old…she knew god.

your mom is so fat, she sat on a penny and murdured abe.

your mom is so fat…god yelled,”LET THERE BE LIGHT!!”

your mom is so stupid, she told me she stole free cheese.

your mom is so stupid, she told me she got hit by a parked car.

your mom is so fat, when I walked 360 degrees around her, it was my birthday.

your mom is so poor, I stepped on a cigarette and she said, “Who turned off the heater?!”

your mom is so fat, she wore blue and everyone thought she was the goodyear blimp.

your mom is so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

your mom is so skinny, she swallowed a bb and everyone thought she was pregnat.

your mom is so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale.

your mom is so stupid, she took a spoon to the superbowl.

your mom is so stupid, someone said it was chilly out side, and she jumped outside and brought a bowl.

your mom is so fat, when she weighed herself on the scale, the scale said to be continued.

your mom is so fat, she farted one day and it came out the next week.

your mom is so fat, she sat on a dollar and four quarters popped out.

your mom is so fat…she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out of George Washington’s nose.

your mom is so stupid, she put a ruler by her bed to see how long she slept.

your mom is so tall, when she did a cart-wheel, she kicked god.

your mom is so fat, the back of her head looks like a pack of hot dogs.

your mom is so stupid, she got locked in at the supermarket and starved to death.

your mom is so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it didn’t come back.

your mom is so fat, when she wanted to take a picture at the hollywood sign, the sign said “H D”.

your mom is so stupid, she wanted a refund because her donut had a hole in it.

your mom is so fat…she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.

your mom is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and came out with a job.

your mom is so fat, when she wore high-heels and struck oil.

Yo mama is sooo fat she has to wear two watches because she lives in two different time zones!

Yo mama is so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning!

Yo mama is so gay she makes straight people crooked!