Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama so fat, she would have been in E.T except when she biked accross the full moon she caused an eclipse!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST
YO MAMMA IS SO FAT
•Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!”
•Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
•Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now
•Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise
•Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
•Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
•Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her…
•Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the New World
•Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
•Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her, your ears pop!
•Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
•Yo momma so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”
•Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”
•Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
•Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
•Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
•Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
•Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave., she landed on 12th
•Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
•Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear “Caution! Wide Turn”
•Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
•Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it reads “One at a time, please!”
•Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.
•Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
•Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
•Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says, “Sorry, we don’t do livestock.”
•Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
•Yo momma so fat she’s got her own area code!
•Yo momma so fat she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen!
•Yo momma so fat God couldn’t light Earth till she moved!
•Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
•Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
•Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, LA, Chicago…
•Yo momma so fat she’s got Amtrak written on her leg.
•Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!
•Yo momma so fat her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
•Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to have sex with her
•Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side!
•Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
•Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
•Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington’s nose.
•Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God’s bowling ball!
•Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
•Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!
•Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
•Yo momma so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
•Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be aerial views!
•Yo momma so fat she’s on both sides of the family!
•Yo momma so fat every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
•Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
•Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
•Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
•Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
•Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
•Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
•Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she’s wearing tights!
•Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
•Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
•Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
•Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
•Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
•Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
•Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep.
•Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
•Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get again.
•Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.
•Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
•Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
•Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
•Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
•Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn’t cover her
•Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
•Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass
•Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
•Yo momma so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
•Yo momma so fat that she can’t tie her own shoes.
•Yo momma so fat she sets off car alarms when she runs.
•Yo momma so fat she can’t reach her back pocket.
•Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!
•Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and Greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
•Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
•Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
•Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD’s and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
•Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
•Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
•Yo momma so fat that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
•Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the Super Bowl.
•Yo momma so fat she was baptized in the ocean.
•Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
•Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, “Who threw that rock?”
•Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
•Yo momma so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
•Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!
•Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn’t have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
•Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona — class Battleship
•Yo momma so fat she accidentally got a 747 caught in her teeth
•Yo momma so fat to her “light food” means under 4 Tons
•Yo momma so fat The Himalayas are practice runs to prepare for her
•Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!!!
•Yo momma so fat she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to GET OFF!!!
•Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!!!
•Yo momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development
•Yo momma so fat she won “Miss Bessie the Cow 94″
•Yo momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans
•Yo momma so fat she has more rolls than a mary jane truck

YO MOMMA SO STUPID
•Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
•Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
•Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was “illegitimate” because she couldn’t read
•Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
•Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl
•Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
•Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
•Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!
•Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
•Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
•Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
•Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
•Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
•Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
•Yo momma so stupid she asked you “What is the number for 911?”
•Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
•Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “O.K.”
•Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
•Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.
•Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
•Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
•Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
•Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
•Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
•Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, “Sex?”, she marked, “M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.”
•Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
•Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
•Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonald’s!
•Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
•Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
•Yo momma so stupid she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
•Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
•Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
•Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
•Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
•Yo momma so stupid that under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.”
•Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
•Yo momma so stupid she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.
•Yo momma so stupid she was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.
•Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course
•Yo momma so stupid she couldn’t read an audio book
•Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.
•Yo momma so stupid she thought the Nazis were saying “Hi! Hitler”
•Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus
•Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg
•Yo momma so stupid She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper
•Yo momma so stupid She went to Disney World and saw a sign that said “Disney World Left” so she went home.
•Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said “guess” so she said Levi’s

YO MOMMA IS SO UGLY
•Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”
•Yo momma so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
•Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, “What a treasure!” and her father said, “Yeah, let’s go bury it.”
•Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
•Yo momma so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower
•Yo momma so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
•Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
•Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
•Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras
•Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
•Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
•Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say “Damn, is it Halloween already?”
•Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
•Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
•Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
•Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
•Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours… for a quote!
•Yo momma so ugly when she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
•Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
•Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!
•Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
•Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
•Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life
•Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
•Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
•Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
•Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
•Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
•Yo momma so ugly your dad’s breath smells like crap because he would rather kiss her ass.
•Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow

YO MOMMA SO OLD
•Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
•Yo momma so old she has Jesus’ beeper number!
•Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
•Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch.
•Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
•Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
•Yo momma so old she’s in Jesus’ yearbook!
•Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
•Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
•Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
•Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
•Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
•Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
•Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
•Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, “Li’l Mary will never amount to anything”.
•Yo momma so old she was Jesus’ Wet Nurse
•Yo momma so old she’s blind from the big bang
•Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!

YO MOMMA IS SO DIRTY
•Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bath water.

YO MOMMA’S NOSE
•Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
•Yo momma nose so big she makes Pinocchio look like a cat!

YO MOMMA IS SO GREASY
•Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a Band-Aid!
•Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!
•Yo momma so greasy Exxon buys oil from her

YO MOMMA’S TEETH
•Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
•Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
•Yo momma teeth are so yellow I can’t believe it’s not butter

YO MOMMA IS SO LAZY
•Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

YO MOMMA IS SO SKINNY
•Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
•Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
•Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared.

YO MOMMA IS SO BALD
•Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn’t help!
•Yo momma so bald you can see what’s on her mind
•Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

YO MOMMA IS SO TALL
•Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
•Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
•Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Joe.

Joe who?

Joe mama!

YO MOMMA SO STUPID…
Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test!

Yo momma so stupid, she thought, “Wu Tang” was an African orange drink!

Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl.

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, “O.K.”

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo momma so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was, “Illegitiment” because she couldn’t read.

Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she asked you, “What is the number for 911?”

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, “Sex?” she marked, “M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.”

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid that under, “Education,” on her job application, she put, “Hooked on Phonics.”

Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo momma so stupid she watches, “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.

Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.

Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.

Yo momma so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

Yo momma so stupid, she couldn’t read an audio book.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

Yo momma so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hourr virus.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

Yo momma so stupid she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper .

Yo momma so stupid she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said “Disney World - Left” so she went home.

Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said, “Guess” so she said, “Levi’s.”

Q: What’s the best way to give your dog a bone?

A: Tickle his balls!