Disgusting Records
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MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July, 1991.
LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina. (This isn’t all that amazing, when you consider that most vaginal canals will stretch to accommodate the birth of a baby.)
ZIT POPPING
In July, 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7 ft 1 inch.
WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm, very-recently-attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with an UNUSED tampon instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a “Cunt Pump”.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a “substantial” amount of seminal fluid. He also holds the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4 in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or “muzzle velocity,” at 42.7 mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest “dump” ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a “staggering turd” over a period of 2 hr 12 mins, which was officially measured at 12 ft 2 in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state. (Note that this person’s name & state are not mentioned.)
MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.