Driving in China
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Loading ...I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China.
While Driving in China………………………
Traffic signals are (how should I put it…) optional.
Right of way is determined by vehicle weight.
On any given street every car is driving parallel, but none will be driving co-linear.
In taking any 3 consecutive Chinese drivers, 1 will be driving over the median.
In merging lanes, Chinese drivers feel the need to drive neck and neck until the last moment when one finally chickens out.
Whenever a Chinese person crosses the street by foot, he will not consider such meaningless factors as how many cars are on the road, or how fast they are going.
If while crossing the street, a Chinese bicyclist gets 4 beeps from a Bus, 3 beeps from your taxi, and 5 loud horns from a speeding truck, all while going against traffic, he will not so much as turn his head to acknowledge.
Take every gas you find in the Periodic table, Mix this with every gas you would find at a Nuclear power plant, add mustard gas, SMOG, Agent Orange, MACE, and sulfuric acid, this is was comes out of the average car’s tail pipe. A one time drive while riding behind a bus, had identical health effects as 12 years of smoking.
What do Chinese people drive? Hard to answer that, but try to imagine this… Gather the 100 most brilliant and renowned German Auto Engineers, get them really drunk, and give them 24 hours to build a car while wearing mittens.
—–Taxi Driving in China——–
While riding a taxi, If you should ever get the notion to open the window and stick your hand out, you will knock over the first bicyclist, who, upon hitting the ground, will be run over by the second bicyclist.
If ever going from point A to point B, it is faster to drive on the wrong side of the street, your taxi driver will.
While riding from point A to point B in a taxi, you will spend roughly 20% of the time driving, 15% to beeping the horn, 40% to changing lanes, 15% driving on the sidewalk, & 10% driving in the wrong lane.
U-turns, though dangerous are permitted in China; luckily taxi drivers will use extra precautions, like waiting until rush hour traffic, and they will only attempt u-turns in carefully selected places, like busy intersections.
A taxi driver will whiz by within 1 foot of a pedestrian, come within 6 inches of a bicyclist, yet swerve violently 2 lanes to miss a pot hole.
Taxies have an auto-regulating temperature, whereby if a passenger opens a window to cool off, the driver’s hand will slowly move over to turn on the heater; Yet if the passenger turns on the heater, the driver’s hand will slowly open his window.
Traffic jams are common, but Chinese drivers believe traffic jams can be cured by the sonic harmony of every car’s horn.
Foreigners need to be careful when speaking their native tongue, for some phrases translate irregularly.
For example,
1. When speaking to a taxi driver…”Verooom please hurry” translates to …
“Please go through every red light, and get real close to that pedestrian.”
2. “I speak English” translated by a taxi driver means
“Please take the long expensive route”
Taxi companies only purchase luxury cars, whereby after the passenger is in, there remains a spacious 1 cubic foot to put his luggage.
In any taxi the handle for the Turn signal will be pristine and untouched, yet the horn will be worn down to the nub.
Taxi drivers have many options when changing lanes, after they change lanes they can either…
A. Look in their rear view to see if they cut anyone off, or
B. Listen for the other driver’s horn.
New Year’s Fireworks in CHINA…
I was staying in a large apartment park, where half the population of Seattle can be found in 5 square block. For the Chinese New Year, it is traditional for every family to light fireworks, All the people were on one side of the street and all the fireworks were done on the other side. Many images came to mind…
a. Take the most powerful fireworks mankind has ever
made, give them to a bunch of 10 year old kids, and
confine them to a space of 15 square feet.
b. About 1 in 10 fireworks would drift over into the
crowd and blowup.
c. The Noise…roughly 1000 firecrackers going off per second, and 10x that going off from other places around the city.
Imagine having a truck 2 feet behind you, beeping like crazy, and you not realize it until the driver gets out and tells you to move.
d. Crossing the Street, from the Crowd side to the Fireworks side is a once in a life time experience. You not only have to worry about 200 kids Fire-grenades coming your way, you also have to dodge traffic, which seams to be unaffected by the fireworks. The casualty rate for those who tried to cross this divide, were slightly better than storming the beaches at Normandy.
Shopping in China
Go to a store and watch a Chinese person purchase an item for $10, go over to that item, pick it up, watch the price magically go to $80, while a small voice are the corner goes, “Hello, I got bargain for you.”
