FAQs About Health Care
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Loading ...Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “Hey, Moe!”
Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe
Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to
forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard
enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical
finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and
referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to
choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents.
Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the
doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the
information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into
two categories–those who are no longer accepting new
patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part
of the plan. But don’t worry–the remaining doctor who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office
just a half day’s drive away!
Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged
when they want to talk about existing conditions.
Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.
Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don’t require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of
medicine?
A. You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need
the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave
me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000
yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-
patient surgery, but I’d already paid my bill. What should I
do?
A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the
reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to
invest the money for you in one of those great offers that
only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or
frog hatcheries.
Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
Q. No, I mean what if I’m away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn’t do that. You’ll have a hard time
seeing your primary care physician. It’s best to wait until
you return, and then get sick.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists
he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really
perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you’re risking is
the $10 co-payment, there’s no harm giving him a shot at it.
Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an
appointment by then.
