If Men Ruled the World……
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Loading ...Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.”
Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a timeout.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ‘em next time” would pretty much do it.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
“Sorry I’m late, but I got really wasted last night” would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you’d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.
Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day, too.
Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: “You know how fast you were going?”
You: “All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.”
Cop: “Nice one. That’s $10 off.”
People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
