Frank phones his wife Angie at ten to five and tells her he’s bringing his boss home for dinner. Angie is furious that she’s had no time to prepare but when Frank and his boss arrive, she has miraculously made a marvelous veal marsala, with pasta, chianti and a spinach salad.

She’s even managed to shower, change into a dress, and get their little six-year-old daughter, Stephanie, looking clean and pretty.

As they are seated at the dining room table, Frank says “Stephanie, honey, why don’t you say the blessing.”

“I don’t know how, Daddy”, she replies sweetly.

“It’s easy, Steph,” says her proud dad, “Just say what Mommy says.”

Stephanie bows her little head, closes her eyes, and says, “If that stupid bastard ever pulls a dumb stunt like this again, he won’t see pussy for a month.”

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Two little boys, both aged nine, were set to appear in their first play. The first boy had to say, “Ah fair maiden, I’ve come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope.” The second little boy was to say, “Hark, a pistol shot.”

On opening night, the two boys were very nervous. It was their first time on stage and their parents were in the front row. The first little boy came out and said, “Ah fair maiden, I’ve come to kiss your snatch and fill your hole with soap.”

The second little boy was so shook up after the first kid goofed that when he came out he said, “Hark! A pistol shit! A shishtel pit! Cow shit!! Bull shit!! I didn’t want to be in this damned play anyway!”

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This joke is filed under Funny Stories.