Memo to: the Director
Subject: Letter of Recommendation

1> Bob Smith, an assistant programmer, can always be found
2> hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3> wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4> thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5> finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
6> measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
7> coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8> vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9> knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10> classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11> dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12> promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13> sent away as soon as possible.
- TLP
Project Leader
(Later that afternoon another memo was sent…)

Memo to: the Director
Subject: Letter of Recommendation

Sorry about that earlier memo, Bob was reading over my shoulder as I wrote it. Kindly read every other line (i.e. 1, 3, 5, 7…) for my true assessment of him.
Regards,
TLP
Project Leader

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If you have to write a ‘letter of recommendation’ for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases:

-For the chronically absent:
A man like him is hard to find.
It seemed her career was just taking off.

-For the office drunk:
I feel his real talent is wasted here.
We generally found him loaded with work to do.
Every hour with him was a happy hour.

-For an employee with no ambition:
He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in.
You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you.

-For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.
All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly.

-For a stupid employee:
There is nothing you can teach a man like him.
I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.

-For a dishonest employee:
Her true ability was deceiving.
He’s an unbelievable worker.

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