Memo from Microsoft
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Loading ...Dear Customers:
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The Southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads “WINDERS 98″ and has a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.
Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled “Outhouse”.
My Computer is called “This Dern Contraption”.
Dial up Networking is called “Good Ol’ Boys”.
The Control Panel is known as the “The Dashboard”.
The Hard Drive is referred to as “4 Wheel Drive”.
Floppies are “them little ol plastic disc thangs”.
Instead of an error message a picture of a garbage bag and roll of duct tape pops up.
CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SUTHERN EDITION:
OK: ats aw-right
Cancel: stopdat
Reset: try er agin
Yes: yup
No: nope
Find: hunt fer it
Go to: over yonder
Back: back yonder
Help: hep me out here
Stop: kwitit
Start: crank er up
Settings: settins
Programs: stuff at duz stuff
Documents: stuff ah done did
Also note that SUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:
tiperiter: A word processing program
colerin book: a graphics program
cyferin mersheen: calculator
outhouse paper: notepad
juke-box: CD Player
iner-net: Microsoft Explorer 4.0
pichers: A graphics viewer
revenuer: MS accounting software
sneaky revenuer: MS accounting software with hidden files
tax records: usually an empty file
coon dog: American kennel club records
You’ll recognize WINDERS 98 SUTHERN EDITION as it comes pre-loaded with certain “Favorites” for browsing the Worldwide Web:
Fishin’: Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
NRA: National Rifle Association
Shotgun: Remington Arms home page
Rifel: Winchester home page
Pistul: Smith & Wesson home page
Truck: Ford & Chevy dealers by zip code
House: Mobile home repair services & movers by zip code
Cuzzins: Complete database of southern residents (extremely long download time)
Bud: List of Budweiser distributors by zip code
Wrasslin: World Wrestling Federation
Rasin: NASCAR racing schedule with TV stations that carry the race
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. I hope this helps all y’all!
