Mental Health Hotline

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
Loading ... Loading ...

A transcript from the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute:

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press–no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the
hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother’s maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Related jokes
  • 7 votes, average: 5 out of 57 votes, average: 5 out of 57 votes, average: 5 out of 57 votes, average: 5 out of 57 votes, average: 5 out of 5 Reverse Psychology (7 votes)
  • 4 votes, average: 5 out of 54 votes, average: 5 out of 54 votes, average: 5 out of 54 votes, average: 5 out of 54 votes, average: 5 out of 5 Hillbilly Cop (4 votes)
  • 4 votes, average: 5 out of 54 votes, average: 5 out of 54 votes, average: 5 out of 54 votes, average: 5 out of 54 votes, average: 5 out of 5 Signs it’s Time to Stop Breastfeeding! (4 votes)