Jokes News

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car.

When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

“That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do.

Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby - so he asks Carrie’s Dad to repeat it.

“Yeah,” says Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”

Well, this just made Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “DAMMIT DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”

Dan went to his friend’s house, unannounced, and he wanted to spend the night. His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said, “You can either sleep on the floor in the living room or you can sleep in the room with Baby.”

Dan said that he would prefer the floor.

The next morning, he went to the bathroom, and there he met this gorgeous young blonde. “Hi,” he said, “who are you?”

“I’m Baby, and who are you?”

“I’m stupid,” he said.

Why do women have more trouble with hemorrhoids than men?

Because God made man the perfect asshole.

A old man walks into the pharmacy he says, “You need to do something about these labels, they are kinda hard to read.”

He said, “I have a prescription for Viagra and one for a laxative. Last night I got them mixed up and I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going.”

A 15-year-old high school student was hard at work on the kitchen table trying to write a limerick for the school paper’s contest. His grandmother came in to make tea and asked him what he was writing.

“There’s a contest at school for the best limerick. The winner gets published in our school newspaper” replied Jimmy.

“Oh”, Granny smiled, “maybe I can help you. When I was your age, I used to be quite good at making up limericks, although my mother always said they were a bit racy for a proper young lady.”

“That’s great, Granny,” said Jimmy. “Would you tell me one?”

“Oh I’d be embarassed to say one aloud,” blushed Granny, “but I guess I could leave out the parts my mother objected to.”

“OK, Granny, go ahead,” said young Jimmy.

“Well, all right, here goes.”

“A girl spread her legs in
the grass
da da da da da da da da.
Da da da da da da da da da ,
So he fucked her up the ass.”