Jokes News

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven. But you realize, I hope, that we’ve got all the good players and the best coaches.

“I know, and that’s all right,” Satan answered, unperturbed. “We’ve got all the umpires.”

Lil’ Johnny’s teacher decided that she’d test her students’ knowledge on holidays. She went through Christmas and Easter and all of those.

So far all of them were doing well.

The last one left was Independence Day. She figured he couldn’t make that a sick answer. So, she called on him. This is what happened….

“What about Independence Day, Johnny?” asked his teacher.

“In-deep-end-dance Day is about celebrating anniversaries of past sex lifes. The term In-deep-end-dance is self-explanatory….”

How do you know a guy’s got a high sperm count?

A. When his dates have to chew before swallowing.

Q: Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the perfect woman & the perfect man all stop at the same time at an intersection. Who goes first?

A: -The perfect woman. The other three don’t exist.

Mr. Reiss got himself a new secretary. Maggie was young, sweet and polite. She was also quite witty.

One day while taking dictation, Maggie noticed his fly was open and, on leaving the room, she said “Oh, Mr Reiss, did you know that your barracks door is open?”

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in, he asked “By the way, Miss Bolt, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you see a soldier standing at attention?”

“Why, no, Mr. Reiss,” she replied. “All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags.”