Jokes News

I. A termite walks into a tavern and says: “Where’s the bar tender.”

II. A horse walks into a tavern and says: “Hay, Bartender.”

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A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping?”

In light of the rising frequency of human-grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of fish and game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions while in the field.

They have advised that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle the bears. They further advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear droppings, and grizzly bear droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and will contain lots of berries, and squirrel fur.

On the other hand, grizzly bear droppings has little bells in it, and smells like pepper.

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit, when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again–even more slowly. Another flash! He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

“This guy must have screwed up the settings,” the off-duty officer thought. He planned to mention the problem to his supervisor when he got to work, but forgot.

A few weeks later, he received the violations in the mail and discovered he had three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!!!