Jokes News

Dave had tried to be particularly careful about his language, as he played golf with his preacher. But on the twelfth hole, when he twice failed to hit out of a sand trap, he lost his resolve and let fly with a string of expletives.

The preacher felt obliged to respond. “I have observed,” he said, in a calm voice, “that the best golfers do not use foul language.”

“I guess not,” said Dave. “What the hell do they have to cuss about?”

What’s the difference between “Ooooooh!” and “Ouch!”?

A: One inch!

I was puzzled when a friend with a local newspaper remarked: “I think I’ll take a look at who has given up smoking today.”

Thinking that the paper had come up with a novel, human-interest column, I peered over his shoulder, only to find that he was looking at the death notices!

This cowboy wants to go into the calf business but needed a bull to get things started. He calls up his banker and the banker floats him a loan.

Around 6 weeks later, the banker calls the cowboy back and asks him how the bull is performing. Well the cowboy replies that the bull could be a dud and the banker told him to get the vet out there pronto to see if he could the bull to start producing.

Well the banker calls back in another 6 weeks to check up on the old boy. “Has that bull started to work yet?” the banker asks. “He sure has,” replies the cowboy. “He has mounted everything on my place, knocked down the fences all around me and has mounted all the neighbors stock.”

“What did the vet give the bull?” the banker asked.

“I really don’t know,” the cowboy replies. “But it tastes kinda like chocolate.”

A few days before his proctologic exam, a one-eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for awhile, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor’s office, the man followed the doctor’s instructions, undressed and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man’s rear was that glass eye staring right back at him!

Taken aback, the doctor said, “You know, you really must learn to trust me.”