Jokes News

A businessman was talking with his barber, when they both noticed a goofy-looking fellow bouncing down the sidewalk.

The barber whispered, “That’s Tommy, one of the stupidest kids you’ll ever meet. Here, I’ll show you.”

“Hey Tommy! Come here!” yelled the barber.

Tommy came bouncing over. “Hi Mr. Williams!”

The barber pulled out a rusty dime and a shiny quarter and told Tommy he could keep the one of his choice. Tommy looked long and hard at the dime and quarter and then quickly snapped the dime from the barber’s hand.

The barber looked at the businessman and said, “See, I told you.”

After his haircut, the businessman caught up with Tommy down the street and asked him why he chose the dime.

Tommy looked at him in the eye and said, “If I take the quarter, the game is over.”

A young lady went to a dance, wearing a low-cut, strapless gown. Around her neck, she wore a little golden airplane on a long chain. All night she noticed a young man, staring at her.

In her embarrassment, she held up the airplane and said, “Oh, you like my airplane, huh?”

The young man smiled, mischievously, and said, “No ma’am, I was just admiring the landing field.”

Why are there sooooo many blonde jokes????

A: Because brunettes have nothing better to do on Saturday night.

During the American Civil War, a particular captured Confederate soldier was a hard man to handle.

Constantly, in his soft drawl, he would say, “Anyway, we beat the hell out of you sniveling Yankee dogs at Fredericksburg.”

The Northern sergeant in charge could not punish the impertinent prisoner as he would have liked because there was a drive on at the time to make sure that prisoners were treated humanely. Finally, however, he could stand it no more.

He marched the prisoner out with a squad of soldiers and said, “Listen, you damned Reb, I don’t care if it means my court-martial, but I’m going to have you shot if you don’t swear allegiance to the United States.”

The prisoner, weighing the murder in the sergeant’s eyes, swore allegiance.

“Now,” said the sergeant, “you did this before witnesses. You’re a loyal American. If I hear any snide remarks about the American Army, you’ll be a traitor. It may be against the articles of war to shoot prisoners, but it’s perfectly all right to shoot traitors.”

The ex-Confederate soldier thought about that for awhile, then he said, “Okay, sergeant, but ain’t it a stinking, filthy shame what them damned rebels did to us Yankees at Fredericksburg?”

During the championship ceremony of The Ryder Cup, Leonard noticed that his wife’s bra had a hole on the far side.

He said, “Honey, there’s something amiss with your bra.”

Mrs. Leonard replied, “No Honey, That’s my New Ryder Cup Championship Bra. It’s got a hole in one.”