Santa’s Pissed!
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Loading ...‘Twas the night before Christmas,
Old Santa was pissed,
He cussed out the elves,
And threw down his list,
“Miserable little pricks,
Ungrateful little jerks,
I have good mind,
To scrap the whole works!
I’ve busted my ass,
For damn near a year,
Instead of ‘Thanks Santa,’
What do I hear?
The old lady bitches,
‘Cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money,
The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk,
And goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant,
And Vixen has AIDS,
And just when I thought,
That things would get better,
Those assholes from IRS,
Sent me a letter!
They say I owe taxes,
If that ain’t damn funny,
Who the hell ever,
Sent Santa Claus money?
And the kids these days,
They all are the pits,
They want the impossible,
(Those mean little shits!)
I spent a whole year,
Making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls,
Their arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yo yo’s,
No request for them,
They want computers and robots,
Like, I’m IBM?
If you think that’s bad,
Just try to picture this,
Try holding those brats,
With their pants full of piss!
They pull on my nose,
They grab at my beard,
And if I don’t smile,
Mom & Dad think I’m weird!
Flying through the air,
Dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys,
And skinning my knees,
I’m quitting this job,
There’s just no enjoyment,
I’ll sit on my fat ass,
And draw unemployment.
There’s no Christmas this year,
Now, you know the reason,
I found me a blonde,
I’m going SOUTH for the season!!!”