acid rain

What do you call a thousand hippies jumping out of a plane at the same time?

Acid Rain

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.”

The petition stated the following:

1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting.

2. It is a major component in acid rain

3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state

4. Accidental inhalation can kill you

5. It contributes to erosion

6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes

7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical dihydrogen monoxide. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was…water.

The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible Are We?” The conclusion is obvious

SO BIG

Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo.
Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.
Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses.
Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.
Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker.
Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings.
Yo mama’s so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip ‘n Slide.
Yo mama’s so big, she whistles bass.
Yo mama’s so big, that they had to change “One size fits all” to “One size fits everyone but yo mama”
Yo mama’s so big, they had to paint a stripe across her back to see if she was walking or rolling.
Yo mama’s so big, when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!
Yo mama’s so big, when she bent down to tie her shoes, her face got burnt from re-entry.
Yo mama’s so big, when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.
Yo mama’s so big, when she stands up the sun goes out.
Yo mama’s so big, when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.
Yo mama’s so big, when you climb on top of her your ears pop.

SO FAT

Yo mama’s so fat and old that when God said, “Let there be Light”, he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
Yo mama’s so fat n black, she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill.
Yo mama’s so fat that she has TB… two bellies.
Yo mama’s so fat, “Place Your Ad Here” is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
Yo mama’s so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall!
Yo mama’s so fat, after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.
Yo mama’s so fat, all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
Yo mama’s so fat, all the chairs in her house have seat belts.
Yo mama’s so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that says: “Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama”
Yo mama’s so fat, and her back is so crooked, when she lays down…people say, “I didn’t know we had mountains.”
Yo mama’s so fat, and you’re so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.
Yo mama’s so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama’s so fat, but I fucked her anyway.
Yo mama’s so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
Yo mama’s so fat, even God couldn’t raise her spirits.
Yo mama’s so fat, even her shadow has stretch marks.
Yo mama’s so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her.
Yo mama’s so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama’s so fat, God created her, and on the seventh day he rested.
Yo mama’s so fat, her ass has it’s own congressman.
Yo mama’s so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
Yo mama’s so fat, her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
Yo mama’s so fat, her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
Yo mama’s so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Yo mama’s so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama’s so fat, her blood type is rocky-road.
Yo mama’s so fat, her car is made of spandex.
Yo mama’s so fat, her car is made out of spandex.
Yo mama’s so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo mama’s so fat, her college graduation picture was an aerial.
Yo mama’s so fat, her driver’s license says, “Picture continued on other side.”
Yo mama’s so fat, her favorite blouse is a tent.
Yo mama’s so fat, her nickname is “Damn.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs, cover her feet like a blanket.
Yo mama’s so fat, her picture takes two frames.
Yo mama’s so fat, her skates went flat.
Yo mama’s so fat, her tailor takes her measurements in light years.
Yo mama’s so fat, her yearbook picture is an aerial.
Yo mama’s so fat, I gain weight just by watching her eat.
Yo mama’s so fat, I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her.
Yo mama’s so fat, I had to roll over twice to get off of her.
Yo mama’s so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Yo mama’s so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.
Yo mama’s so fat, I saw a picture of her in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
Yo mama’s so fat, I saw her in New York, and when I told my friend in LA, he’d seen her too.
Yo mama’s so fat, I shot the bitch and Crisco came out.
Yo mama’s so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she’d have to take his word for it!
Yo mama’s so fat, if she wears fishnet stockings, they’d better be 50 pound test!
Yo mama’s so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
Yo mama’s so fat, if she were an airplane, she’d be a jumbo jet.
Yo mama’s so fat, instead of Levi’s 501 jeans, she wears Levi’s 1002’s.
Yo mama’s so fat, instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
Yo mama’s so fat, I’ve got to tell two snaps just to cover her fat ass.
Yo mama’s so fat, Jenny Craig did a credit check.
Yo mama’s so fat, last time she went to Sea World Shamu got a hard on.
Yo mama’s so fat, NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer.
Yo mama’s so fat, NASA orbits satellites around her.
Yo mama’s so fat, no one can talk behind her back.
Yo mama’s so fat, on a scale of 1 to 10, she’s a 747.
Yo mama’s so fat, one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
Yo mama’s so fat, one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.
Yo mama’s so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Yo mama’s so fat, she ain’t on a diet, she’s on a triet… She be like “What y’all eating? I’ll try it!”
Yo mama’s so fat, she broke her leg and gravy dripped out.
Yo mama’s so fat, she bungee jumped and went straight to hell.
Yo mama’s so fat, she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn’t change.
Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t just work one corner, she has to work all four.
Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t lose weight, only find it.
Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t reach her back pocket.
Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t tie her own shoes.
Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t wear Daisy Dukes. She has to wear Boss Hoggs.
Yo mama’s so fat, she could go a week without eating and still not lose weight.
Yo mama’s so fat, she could sell shade.
Yo mama’s so fat, she DJ’s for the ice cream truck.
Yo mama’s so fat, she don’t eat Wheat Thins, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama’s so fat, she don’t know whether she’s walking or rolling.
Yo mama’s so fat, she don’t wear a G-String, she wears an A, B, C, D, E, F, G-String.
Yo mama’s so fat, she eats biscuits like tic tacs.
Yo mama’s so fat, she eats cereal out of a satellite dish.
Yo mama’s so fat, she eats pumpkin pies like Skittles.
Yo mama’s so fat, she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama’s so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.
Yo mama’s so fat, she fell off a boat and the captain yelled “Land Ho!”
Yo mama’s so fat, she fills up the bath tub, and then she turns on the water.
Yo mama’s so fat, she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it’s-coming-towards-us!
Yo mama’s so fat, she gets her toenails painted at Earl Schieb’s.
Yo mama’s so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.
Yo mama’s so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says “Okay.”
Yo mama’s so fat, she got hit by a truck and asked “Who threw that rock?”
Yo mama’s so fat, she had to roll over 4 times just to get an even tan.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has 48 midnight snacks.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has her own area code.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas’ English Muffin.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to get out of the car to change gears.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to get out of the car to change the radio station.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to keep pesos in one pocket and yen in the other.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to use a lawn chair instead of a Thigh Master.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to use sleeping bags for tube socks.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has two stomachs: One for meat, one for vegetables.
Yo mama’s so fat, she jumped for joy and got stuck.
Yo mama’s so fat, she jumped in the ocean and the ocean jumped back and said “I’ll wait my turn.”
Yo mama’s so fat, she jumped in the ocean and the whales started singing “We are family!”
Yo mama’s so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama’s so fat, she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub.
Yo mama’s so fat, she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen.
Yo mama’s so fat, she looks like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man on steroids.
Yo mama’s so fat, she made Richard Simmons cry.
Yo mama’s so fat, she made weight watchers go blind.
Yo mama’s so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
Yo mama’s so fat, she makes Free Willy look like a Tic-Tac.
Yo mama’s so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
Yo mama’s so fat, she masturbates reading cookbooks.
Yo mama’s so fat, she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big.
Yo mama’s so fat, she needs a road map to find her ass.
Yo mama’s so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Seattle, NY.
Yo mama’s so fat, she plays pool with the planets.
Yo mama’s so fat, she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet.
Yo mama’s so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Yo mama’s so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Yo mama’s so fat, she sat in Big Foot and made it a lowrider.
Yo mama’s so fat, she sat on a dollar and made change.
Yo mama’s so fat, she sat on a rowing machine and it sank.
Yo mama’s so fat, she sat on an Oreo and unlocked the magic.
Yo mama’s so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.
Yo mama’s so fat, she sat on the corner and the police came & said “Break it up!”
Yo mama’s so fat, she shops for clothes in the local tent shop.
Yo mama’s so fat, she shows up on radar.
Yo mama’s so fat, she smells like bacon at 90 degrees.
Yo mama’s so fat, she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number.
Yo mama’s so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it said “Please step out of the car.”
Yo mama’s so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to “Get the fuck off.”
Yo mama’s so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her “Sorry, we don’t do livestock.”
Yo mama’s so fat, she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H d.
Yo mama’s so fat, she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out.
Yo mama’s so fat, she uses a kiddie slide for a shoe horn.
Yo mama’s so fat, she uses a mattress for a maxi-pad.
Yo mama’s so fat, she uses a pillow case as a sock.
Yo mama’s so fat, she uses blanket as a washcloth.
Yo mama’s so fat, she uses diet soap.
Yo mama’s so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
Yo mama’s so fat, she uses the carpet as a blanket.
Yo mama’s so fat, she wakes up in sections.
Yo mama’s so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo mama’s so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.
Yo mama’s so fat, she was in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade… wearing ropes.
Yo mama’s so fat, she wears a hula-hoop for a belly-button ring.
Yo mama’s so fat, she wears a VCR for a beeper.
Yo mama’s so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.
Yo mama’s so fat, she wears an asteroid belt.
Yo mama’s so fat, she went on a light diet… As soon as it’s light she starts eating.
Yo mama’s so fat, she went on a seafood diet… Whenever she saw food she ate it.
Yo mama’s so fat, she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy.
Yo mama’s so fat, she went to sit down and the chair begged for mercy.
Yo mama’s so fat, she went to Sizzler and got a group discount.
Yo mama’s so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s 36-24-36… but that’s her forearm, neck, and thigh!
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s 36-24-36… but that’s in feet.
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s got Amtrak tattooed on her leg.
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s got her own zip code.
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s half Indian, half Irish, and half American.
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s moving the Earth out of its orbit.
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s not kidding when she says “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!”
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s on both sides of the family.
Yo mama’s so fat, she’s taller lying down.
Yo mama’s so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama’s so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs.
Yo mama’s so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup.
Yo mama’s so fat, the earth orbits around her instead of the sun.
Yo mama’s so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a “Caution! Wide Turn” sign.
Yo mama’s so fat, the horse on her Jordache jeans is real.
Yo mama’s so fat, the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
Yo mama’s so fat, the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale.
Yo mama’s so fat, the only thing she can fit into at the clothing store is the dressing rooms.
Yo mama’s so fat, the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.
Yo mama’s so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.
Yo mama’s so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes.
Yo mama’s so fat, they call her “Big Fat Ho.”
Yo mama’s so fat, they changed my Physics book to say “What goes up must come down, except Yo mama.”
Yo mama’s so fat, they had to baptize her at Sea World.
Yo mama’s so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo mama’s so fat, they had to install speed bumps at the all-u-can-eat buffet.
Yo mama’s so fat, they have to run a relay race to get her belt through her belt loops.
Yo mama’s so fat, they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.
Yo mama’s so fat, they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics.
Yo mama’s so fat, we got her in the drive-in free by dressing her as a Chevy.
Yo mama’s so fat, we’re inside her right now.
Yo mama’s so fat, when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up.
Yo mama’s so fat, when I climbed up on top of her, I burned my ass on the light bulb.
Yo mama’s so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
Yo mama’s so fat, when I have sex with her I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in.
Yo mama’s so fat, when I said I wanted “Pigs in a blanket” she got back in bed.
Yo mama’s so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
Yo mama’s so fat, when I tried to fuck her I didn’t know if I was hitting the hole or a roll.
Yo mama’s so fat, when I was done I rolled over, over again, and I was still on top of the bitch.
Yo mama’s so fat, when I yell “Kool-Aid,” she comes crashing through the wall.
Yo mama’s so fat, when it says all-u-can-eat it still ain’t enough.
Yo mama’s so fat, when my dog went to fuck her he had to peel too many fat rolls and said “Fuck It.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she auditioned for a part in “Indiana Jones,” she got the part as the big rolling ball.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she backs up she beeps.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said “Sorry, we don’t do curtains.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she comes down the stairs she measures on the Richter scale.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she fart the whole planet came out.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she fell down the stairs, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she fills up the tub, she fills up the tub.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she gets on the scale it says “To be continued.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she gets out of the car, she leaves stretch marks.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders “Thank You, Come Again.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the beach, little kids yell “Free Willy, Free Willy.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the circus she sees the big top and asks “Where can I try that on?”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to the circus she takes up all the rings.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she got on the bus she turned it into a low rider.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she hauls ass, she has friends come help.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts “The coast is clear.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she opens the refrigerator, it says “I give up!”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she ordered a “My Size Meal” at McDonald’s they gave her a dinosaur.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she ordered a “My Size Meal” at McDonald’s they gave her the key to the store.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she played hide-n-go-seek, she hid behind a water tower.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she plays football she play offense and defense.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she plays football she plays the interior line.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she put on some BVD’s by the time they reached her waist they spelled “BouleVarD.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip… at the radio station.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle’s fell out.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she saw a yellow bus going down the road she yelled “Hey! Stop that Twinkie.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she stepped on a train track, the warning lights went on.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says “One at a time, please.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she tiptoes, everyone yells “Stampede!”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she travels, she’s gotta make two trips.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she volunteered to clean cages at the zoo, people walked by and said “Look at the elephant!”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she walks across the living room, the radio skips.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she walks down the street everyone yells “Earthquake!”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she walks down the street, you can hear her hips saying to each other “If you let me by, I’ll let you pass.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she walks in front of the T.V., you miss 5 minutes of your show.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she was born, she didn’t get a birth certificate, she got blue prints.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she was walking in her jeans I swear I smelled something burning.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she wears a purple sweater people call her “Barney.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she wears a red dress people yell “Hey Kool-Aid Man.”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, kids think its the school bus.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call her “Taxi!”
Yo mama’s so fat, when she wears corduroy pants, the ridges don’t show.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she wears heels, they’re flats by the afternoon.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she went to a dating service, they matched her up with Detroit.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she went to the Rose Parade they thought she was a float.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen.
Yo mama’s so fat, when the cashier at KFC asked what size bucket she wanted, she said the one on the roof.
Yo mama’s so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn’t identify them.
Yo mama’s so fat, when yo father fell in love with her he got lost.
Yo mama’s so fat, when your father mounts her, his ears pop.
Yo mama’s so fat, Yo father didn’t know whether to fuck her or take the burro ride down.
Yo mama’s so fat, you can pinch an inch on her forehead.
Yo mama’s so fat, you can smack it up, flip it, and rub it down all at the same time.
Yo mama’s so fat, you can’t even see her legs, it just looks like she’s gliding across the floor.
Yo mama’s so fat, you could go swimming in her bra.
Yo mama’s so fat, your daddy had to roll her in flower and look for the wet spot.

SO NASTY

Yo mama’s so nasty, a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.
Yo mama’s so nasty, her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.
Yo mama’s so nasty, her tits give sour milk.
Yo mama’s so nasty, I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
Yo mama’s so nasty, I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she bit the dog and gave it rabies.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she bought her boyfriend kneepads for Christmas.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she breeds crabs.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she calls Janet “Miss Jackson.”
Yo mama’s so nasty, she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she has a sign by her pussy that says: “Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts.”
Yo mama’s so nasty, she has more crabs then Red Lobster.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she made Right Guard turn left.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she made Speed Stick slow down.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she pours salt water in her drawers to keep the crabs alive.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
Yo mama’s so nasty, she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!
Yo mama’s so nasty, she’s got more clap than an auditorium.
Yo mama’s so nasty, they call her Norelco… Home of the triple head.
Yo mama’s so nasty, when I went to your house said what’s for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said “crabs!”
Yo mama’s so nasty, when I went to your house said what’s for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said “Corn!”
Yo mama’s so nasty, when she did the splits, she stuck to the floor.

SO OLD

Yo mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.
Yo mama’s so old, I told her to act her age and the bitch died.
Yo mama’s so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Yo mama’s so old, she DJ’d at the Boston Tea Party.
Yo mama’s so old, she drove a chariot to high school.
Yo mama’s so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.
Yo mama’s so old, she has all the apostles in her black book.
Yo mama’s so old, she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.
Yo mama’s so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
Yo mama’s so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.
Yo mama’s so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.
Yo mama’s so old, she used to gang bang with the Flintstone’s.
Yo mama’s so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Yo mama’s so old, she’s got hieroglyphics on her driver’s license.
Yo mama’s so old, the key on Ben Franklin’s kite was to her apartment.

SO STUPID

Yo mama’s so stupid that under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.”
Yo mama’s so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said “Ah Levi’s?”
Yo mama’s so stupid, at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius.
Yo mama’s so stupid, her idea of safe sex is locking the car doors.
Yo mama’s so stupid, her shirt says TGIF- tits go in front.
Yo mama’s so stupid, her shoes say TGIF- toes go in first.
Yo mama’s so stupid, when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino.
Yo mama’s so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
Yo mama’s so stupid, I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.
Yo mama’s so stupid, I taught her how to do the running man and I haven’t seen the bitch since.
Yo mama’s so stupid, I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.
Yo mama’s so stupid, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn’t have enough to blow her nose.
Yo mama’s so stupid, if brains were gas she wouldn’t have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Fruit Loop.
Yo mama’s so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
Yo mama’s so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you’d get change.
Yo mama’s so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo mama’s so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
Yo mama’s so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she asked for a price check at the dollar store.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she asked you “What is the number for 911″.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she can’t make Jello because she can’t fit 2 quarts of water in the box.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn’t find the “11″ button in “9-1-1″
Yo mama’s so stupid, she fell up the stairs.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she gave your uncle a blowjob ’cause he said it’d help his unemployment.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she got a part time job painting skittles.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she got fired from a blow-job.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she got shot running to the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she had Dan Quayle check her spelling.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she invented a solar powered flashlight.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she married Yo daddy.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger from McDonald’s and said, “Hold the cheese.”
Yo mama’s so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she put a peephole in a glass door.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gum ball to come out.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she said “what’s that letter after x” and I said Y she said “Cause I want to know”.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she sold the house to pay the mortgage.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she stands up on an empty bus.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she studied for a blood test and failed.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg’s holiday album.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying!
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought asphalt was a skin disease.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought menopause was a button on the VCR.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought she could get food stamps at the post office.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought Thailand was a men’s clothing store.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought the Internet was something you catch fish with.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she told everyone that she was “illegitimate” because she couldn’t read.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she took lessons for a player piano.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to drown a fish.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to drown herself in a carpool.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to insult you and started with “Yo mama’s so…”
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to mail a letter with food stamps.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to melt squeeze Parkay.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to steal a free sample.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to throw a bird off a cliff.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she used a vibrator for an egg beater.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin’ “Free Lays!”
Yo mama’s so stupid, she went on Double Dare and when they asked her name she said “I think I’ll take the physical challenge.”
Yo mama’s so stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she wiped her ass before she took a shit.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she wouldn’t know up from down if she had three guesses.
Yo mama’s so stupid, the bitch snuck on the bus and paid to get off.
Yo mama’s so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth.
Yo mama’s so stupid, they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade.
Yo mama’s so stupid, when asked on an application, “Sex?”, she marked, “M, F, and sometimes Wednesday too.”
Yo mama’s so stupid, when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones.
Yo mama’s so stupid, when I asked her if she wanted to play one on one, she said “Ok, but what’s the teams?”
Yo mama’s so stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
Yo mama’s so stupid, when she pulls up to a flashing red light it sounds like this… Vroom, Screech, Vroom, Screech