big penis

Some folks have it, some don’t. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don’t have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.

Those who don’t have it may agree that it’s an nifty toy, but think it’s not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don’t have it would like to try it.

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.

In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

Once you’ve started playing with it, it’s hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn’t have work to do.

It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what kind of person you’re dealing with until it’s too late.

If you don’t apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.

It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you’ll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

If you’re not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp you behavior. Later you may ask yourself “why on earth did I do that?”

It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same things it did before.

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it’s cute.
3. Stop fingering me.
4. I’m sorry.
5. Who circumcised you?
6. Why don’t we just cuddle?
7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
8. It’s more fun to look at.
9. Make it dance.
10. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that.
11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
12. It looks like a nightcrawler.
13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
14. My last boyfriend was 4″ bigger.
15. It’s OK, we’ll work around it.
16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
17. Eww, there’s an inch worm on your thigh.
18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
19. Oh no, a flash headache.
20. (giggle and point)
21. Can I be honest with you?
22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
23. Let me go get my tweezers.
24. How sweet, you brought incense.
25. This explains your car.
26. You must be a growing boy.
27. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.
28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
29. Are you one of those pygmies?
30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
32. Alright, a treasure hunt!
33. I didn’t know they came that small.
34. Why is God punishing you?
35. At least this won’t take long.
36. Let’s just stick with your hand.
37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
38. How interesting.
39. I never saw one like that before.
40. What do you call this?
41. But it still works, right?
42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
43. It looks so unused.
44. Do you take steroids?
45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
47. I think there’s a dildo around here somewhere.
48. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
49. Let me know when you’re done.
50. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
52. Aww, it’s hiding.
53. Are you cold?
54. If you get me real drunk first.
55. Is that an optical illusion?
56. What IS that?
57. Does this run in your family?
58. I’ll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
59. Were you neutered?
60. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
61. Does it come with an air pump?
62. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
63. Where are the puppet strings?
64. Look, it all fits in my mouth all at once.
65. Deep throat??? I doubt it’ll reach my tongue!!!
66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
68. Do I hang my hat on it?
69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
70. Don’t hold back…give me everything.
71. Never mind, why bother.
72. I saw this on Oprah.
73. Are you wearing flesh colored underwear?
74. I can’t wait to tell my friends.
75. Well, let’s improvise…stick out your tongue.

Little Johnny was considered well endowed, and his Mother told him never to pull it out in public.

One day, Johnny came home and put a large turkey on the table. His mother asked him where he got it, and he said he won it. When asked how, he said a group of guys were having a contest. Whoever had the biggest penis would win the turkey.

Shocked, his Mother shouted, “You didn’t pull that thing out in public, did you?”

To which Johnny replied, “Hell, no, Mom, I just pulled enough out to win the turkey!”

A guy walks into a bar and sees a long line of people and a horse. Next to the horse he sees a large jar full of money. He asks the bartender what was going on. The bartender says “If you wait in that line, drop a five in that jar and make my horse laugh, you get to keep the money.” The guy decides to give it a try. He drops his five and leans in and whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse starts to laugh and soon he was laughing so hysterically, he fell down in laughter. The guy grabs the jar and leaves the bar.

The following week, the guy returns to the bar, and again there is a line of people and a jar full of money. He asks the bartender what was going on, and he said that this time, you have to make the horse cry to get the money. The guy decided to give it a try. He drops his five and takes the horse by the reins and leads it outside. A few minutes go by and the guy returns with the horse in tears. The guy grabs the jar and heads for the door. The bartender says, “Wait a minute, you came in here and took my money last week, and you are doing it again, I have to know, how did you make my horse laugh, and how did you make him cry?”

The guy said “It was easy, to make him laugh I told him I had a bigger penis than he did, to make him cry, I took him outside and showed him.”

“Good morning class! Today we are learning about human organs that come in pairs,” says the teacher. “For example, our eyes are organs and we have two, now give me some more examples. Let’s start with Linda.”

“Ears!” says Linda excitedly.

“Very good,” replies the teacher. “Michael?”

“Balls,” replies Michael

The teacher is a little surprised by Michael’s crudeness, but accepts his answer.

“Yes, little Johnny?”

“The penis,” says little Johnny.

“Hey wait a minute, we only have one penis!” replies Michael.

“No,” says little Johnny. “My daddy has two, a small one which he uses to go to the potty, and a big one that mommy brushes her teeth with.”