blow up

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter, then started talking
to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, “You know that fur coat you promised me, Irving?”
She answered herself by saying, “I bought it with the insurance money!”

She then said, “Irving, remember that new car you promised me?” She answered again, saying, “Well, I bought it with the insurance money!”

Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, “Irving remember that big blow job I promised you?”

She then inhaled deeply, puckered her lips and leaned forward toward the ashes….

This is a TRUE story!

These people owned a dog and their neighbor, a rabbit. When ever the neighbors put their rabbit outside, the people with a dog would have to bring their dog in.

One day the people with the dog came dome and found the dog with a filthy, DEAD, rabbit in its mouth! So they did the only thing they could do, wash it, blow dry it, fluff up the fur and put it back in the cage hoping the neighbors wouldn’t notice.

Later that week on Halloween the dog owner met the rabbit owner while shopping and the rabbit owner said, “The strangest thing happened…” The dog owner was worrying, thinking that maybe they figured it out.

The rabbit owner continued, “The other day we found our rabbit dead in it’s cage. It was all clean and fluffy though.” Now the dog owner was REALLY worried. The rabbit owner continued, “The really weird part was that the rabbit had died and we burried it 2 days earlier!”

This eskimo and his wife are laying in bed when he says” Honey lets go fishing ” And she says” No I don’t want to go fishing. He says ” sure you do” She says “no I don’t want to go fishing I’m not going” and finally he says ” I’ll tell you what I’ll give you 3 choices you can give me a blow job,take it up the ass or go fishing. I’m going to get the dogs ready I’ll be back in a half an hour you can tell me what you’re going to do” . He comes back in a half an hour and says ” so what’s it going to be”? And she says ” I’ll give you the blow job ” she’s down there for a split second and comes right back up and says ” that tastes like shit ” and he says ” yea one of the dogs didn’t want to go either” .

One day a blonde and a redhead were on a flight to Texas. They were one hour into the flight when they heard a loud BOOM! The pilot comes over the intercom and says, “Sorry for the noise folks. It seems that one of our engines has blown. But we have 3 other engines left so we will only be an hour off our arrival time.”

Then 5 minutes later there was another loud BOOM! The pilot came over the intercam and said, “Sorry again folks, another engine blew. But we will make it to Texas, but we will be 2 hours late.”

Then there came another BOOM! The pilot cames over the intercom sounding as if he had just peed in his pants out of fright. He said,” H-Hi f-f-olkss. Uh, we will be ar-rriving in T-Texas about 4 hours later than o-our original arrival time. We still have 1 engine left.”

Then the blonde says to the redhead, “If we lose another engine we’ll be stuck up here forever.”

Two people, fed up with Clinton’s rule, decided to blow up the White House. They put the bomb in the back seat of their car and were off on their mission.

First one, who was already a little squeamish, asked in a low voice: “Hey…! What if the bomb went off right now?”

Brave second one said, “Don’t worry! I’ve got a spare bomb in the trunk.”