blow up

A Bartender makes a bet with a man. The bartender will set up 20 shots and the man has to drink them without passing out. If the man did this he would be able to drink for free. The man drank the 20 shots and with everyone slapping his back staggered home.

Two weeks passed and the man returned to the bar.
“Hey! There’s the man who will put me out of business!” the bartender joked “What will you have?”

“Milk” the man replied.

“You can have any drink for free, and all you want is milk?” asked the bartender.

“You don’t understand,” said the man, “when I went home that night I blew chunks.”

“you had alot to drink”, replied the bartender, “bound to make any man sick.”

“you don’t understand,” said the man, “Chunks is the name of my dog.”

An Amish family decides to send their son to the army.
When the boy comes back, he has a little oval green thing in his hand.

He goes to his mother to ask her what it is.

“Mom, what is this thing?”

The mother replies, “I’m not sure. Go ask your father.”

So the boy asks his father what it is.

“What is this dad?”

His father replies, “I think it’s one of those things that you pull the pin and throw.”

So the boy pulls the pin on top of it and throws. It then lands on the outhouse and it blows up. All the manure and wood flies into the air and then lands in one big pile in front of them. Then Grandpa sticks his head out and says, “Boy, I’m glad I didn’t let that one in the house.”

As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his customary request over the loudspeaker: “Mr. President, would you please return the Flight Attendant to her upright position and prepare to land?”

A reporter asked Clinton one day, “Was Monica lying?”
Clinton responded, “No, she was on her knees.”

Q: Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every day at 5 am?
A: She wants to make sure that she is the FIRST lady.

Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?
A: One had his head blown off in the back of a car, the other was assassinated.

An 85 year old woman was standing at a bus stop. The wind was really blowing. She had her hands up on her head holding her hat to keep it from blowing away. With her hands on her hat the wind was blowing her dress up over her waist. Everything could be seen.

A young man came up to her and asked, “Why are standing in the wind holding your hat? Your dress blowing over your waist. Everyone at the bus stop is looking. Everyone driving by is looking. Everyone can see everything under your dress!”

The older woman replied, “Son, I have have given birth to seven children. Everything under this skirt looks and is 85 years old ………..I just bought this hat!”

One day in Sicily, the three little pigs were outside playing cards when all of a sudden the big bad wolf comes along. The three pigs scurry around and start building houses to protect themselves from the wolf.

The first pig builds a house of straw. The wolf spots the house and he huffs and he puffs and he blows the house down.

The pig escapes and runs over to Pig #2’s house made out of wood. Along comes the wolf who huffs and puffs and blows the house down.

This time the pigs make it out by the skin of their teeth. They zoom over to Pig #3’s house made of brick. Suddenly, the wolf is standing outside the house huffing and puffing. Pig #3 picks up the phone, says a few words and hangs up. A few minutes later a black limo pulls up. Two well-dressed pigs gets out of the back seat, pull out machine guns and shoot the wolf. Amazed, Pig #1 and Pig #2 ask, “WHO WERE THEY?”

Pig #3 replies “THE GUINEA PIGS!!!”