brother and sister

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine-years-old and the other one is four-years-old. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?” The nine-year-old replies “Nope, not for my mom.”

Without thinking, the cashier responded “Well, they must be for your sister then?”

The nine-year-old quipped, “Nope, not for my sister either.”

The cashier had now become curious “Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?”

The nine-year-old says “They’re for my four-year-old little brother.”

The cashier is surprised “Your four-year-old little brother??”

The nine-year-old explains: “Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can’t do either of them!”

Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn’t find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away –ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away — ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph — bulls-eye!

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history!!

The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of football, and when Ross asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call him mother. “Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” the old woman says. “You deserted us. You are not my son.”

“I don’t understand, Mother!” the young man pleads. “I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”

“No, let me tell you,” the mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week, your sister was raped in broad daylight.”

The old lady pauses and then tearfully says. “…I’ll never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.”

A young Indian boy asks the Indian chief,”Grandfather why do all of us Indians have strange names?”

He replies,”Well son in the dawn of the day into which the young were born, the indian brave will leave his teepee.

The first thing he see’s will be the name of his young.”
“Like your sister, Running Deer, the first thing your father saw was a running deer and,your brother Flying Eagle, the first thing your father saw was a flying eagle.

Now do you understand me Two Dogs Fucking?”

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer.

The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, “Um… No.”

“Or,” the lawyer continued, “that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”

The stricken United Way representative began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer added, “Or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her pennyless with three children?”

The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?

Spend more quality time with Chelsea and her 13 half brothers and sisters.

Tour the nations’ prisons to improve conditions. Visit friends while there.

Write book: “The American Presidency: An Oral History.”

Search for a new outlet for well-developed lying and cheating skills.

Catch up on eight-year stack of “Penthouse.”

Continue work counseling interns.

Get to know those Bush girls better.