brother and sister

Little Benny came home from his first day of school and said, “Mommy, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers and sisters who will be coming to my school.”

“That’s nice of her to take such an interest in your family, Dear. What did she say when you told her that you are the only child?”

She just said, “Thank goodness!”

Bibi Netanyahu goes to Washington for a meeting with Bill Clinton. After dinner, Bill says to Bibi ” Well Bibi, I don’t know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all quite bright.”

“How do you know?” asks Bibi.

“Oh well, it’s simple”, says Bill. “They all have to take special tests before they can join the cabinet. Wait a second”. He calls Madeleine Albright over and says to her “Tell me Madeleine, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”

“Ah, that’s simple Mr. President,” says Madeleine, “it is me!”

“Well done, Madeleine,” says Clinton and Bibi is very impressed.

Bibi returns to Israel and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in Rafael Eitan and says: “Rafael, tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”

Rafael thinks and thinks and doesn’t know the answer. “Can I think about it a bit further, Bibi? May I let you know tomorrow?”

“Of course,” says Bibi, “you’ve got 24 hours.”

Rafael goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his team, but no-one knows the answer. 20 hours later, Rafael is very worried, still no answer and only 4 hours to go.

Eventually Rafael says “I’ll ask Yossie Sarid, he’s clever, he’ll know the answer.”

He calls Sarid. “Yossie,” he says, “tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”

“Very simple,” says Yossie Sarid, “it’s me!”

“Of course,” says Rafael and calls Bibi.

“Bibi,” says Rafael, “I’ve got the answer: it’s Yossie Sarid.”

“No, you idiot,” says Bibi, “it’s Madeleine Albright”.

One day a 18 year old boy is visiting his father. He is about to move out and get his own place. So he asks his father if he has any last advice.

His dad looks at him and says, “You know son, this might be the most important thing I’ve ever told you.”

He says, “I want you to always remember this, it’s eighteen years of child support if you break a condom.”

The boy looks at him and says, “Dad, is that really true?”

The father looks at him and tells him, “Of course it is son.” Thats how we got you.” “After eighteen years of monthly payments, all I have left is enough money to get hooker, a six pack of beer, and another box of condoms.”

The boy looks at him and says, “Is that why I have 5 half brothers and 2 half sisters?”

The father looks at him and says, “Sure is, son.”

While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, “I know Daddy’s password! I know Daddy’s password!”

“What is it? her older sisters asked, eagerly.

Proudly she replied, “Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!”

I have five siblings . . . three sisters and two brothers.

One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from her first child to her last.

She told me she really had mellowed quite a lot over the years . . .

“When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance.”