brother and sister

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the Commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest in his family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

My grandson was telling me that he and his three playmates attended different churches. Then he added, “It really doesn’t matter if we go to different churches, does it, Grandma, as long as we’re all Republicans?”

A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, “No, I’m the lonely child.”

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.

A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor’s wife.”

Morris calls his son in New York and says, “Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don’t want to discuss it. I’m merely telling you because you’re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I’ve made up my mind, I’m divorcing Mama.”

The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened.

“I don’t want to get into it. My mind is made up.”

“But Dad, you just can’t decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?”

“It’s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you’re my son and I thought you should know. I really don’t want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister Ruth and tell her. It will spare me the pain.”

“But where’s Mama? Can I talk to her?”

“No, I don’t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven’t told her yet. Believe me it hasn’t been easy. I’ve agonized over it for several days, and I’ve finally come
to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.”

“Dad, don’t do anything rash. I’m going to take the first flight to Miami. Promise me that you won’t do anything until I get there.”

“Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Christmas. I’ll hold off seeing the lawyer until after then. Call your sister in New Jersey and break the news to her. I just can’t bear to talk about it anymore.”

A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter Ruth who tells him that she and her brother are able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow. “Benny told me that you don’t want to talk about it on the telephone, but promise me that you won’t do anything until we both get there.”

Morris promises. After hanging up the phone, Morris turns to his wife and says, “Well, Martha, it worked this time, but what are we going to do next time to get them to come home for the holidays?”

After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother………………………….Please Gogh

His dizzy aunt ……………………………….Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes……………………..Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store…….Stopn Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia…………………U Gogh

The brother who bleached his clothes white……….Hue Gogh

The cousin from Illinois……………………….Chica Gogh

His magician uncle…………………………….Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin…………………………….Amee Gogh

The Mexican cousin’s American half brother……….Grin Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach………………Wellsfar Gogh

The constipated uncle …………………………Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt………………………Tan Gogh

The bird lover uncle…………………………..Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst……………………….E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin………………………..Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking…………….Wayto Gogh

The little bouncy nephew……………………….Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco……………………….Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van……Winnie Bay Gogh

There were three students in a classroom. A white boy, a black boy, and a Mexican boy. The teacher said, “Now, everybody make a sentence using the words chees and liver.”

The white boy went first and said, “Last night for dinner I ate some cheese and liver.”

Then the black boy said, “My brother stole some cheese and got shot in the liver.”

Last, the Mexican boy said, “Cheese me sister so liver alone.”