many men

One day two Polish men were walking down the road.

One man had a basket with chickens in it.

At that time he said to the other man, “If you can guess how many chickens are in this basket I’ll give you one of them.”

So the other man says “No, I want two chickens.”

So the man with the chickens says, “I’ll tell you what if you can guess how many chickens are in this basket I’ll give you both of them!”

So the other man says three.

How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?

Nobody knows, it’s never been done!

A couple was enjoying a romantic dinner, celebrating their 35th anniversary when the husband says to his wife, “Honey, it’s wonderful having been married to you for 35 years, but there is one thing I’ve often wondered and have never known for sure. Have you been true to me throughout our married years?”

She suddenly gets this flushed look upon her face as responds, “Does it really matter? What really counts is that we have been happy and we’ll be together the rest of our lives.”

“Yes, I know,” he answers, “and it really doesn’t matter. I would just like to satisfy my curiosity.”

“Well, to be honest, I did mess around, somewhat,” she replies.

“How many times?” he wants to know.

“Three times,” she responds.

“After 35 years, I guess that’s not too bad,” he replies. “And with who?”

“You remember the time when we didn’t have enough money to close on the down payment for our first house?” she queries.

“Ah, with the banker!’ he surmises.

“That’s correct,” she answers.

“And do you remember the time we were in desperate straits when you needed back surgery and we couldn’t afford it?” she confesses.

“Ah, with the surgeon,” he responds.

‘That’s right,” she stammers.

“And when was the other time?” he asked.

“Well, you remember when you wanted to join the country club?” she asked rather squeamishly.

“Yes,” he answers.

“And you needed 210 votes…”

Two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. First guy asks the second guy, “How have things been going?”

The second guy speaking very s..l..o..w..l..y.. tells the first guy, “I w..a..s.. a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d.”

The first guy says in amazement “Hey; you don’t stutter any more.”

The answer comes, ” y..e..s I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r .a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k.. s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r.”

The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he “was almost married”.

“W..e..l..l, m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s..i…t..t..i..n..g.. o..n h..e..r p..o…r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s s.c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y f..a..c..e..”

“Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?” asks the first friend.

” W..e..l..l, I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y, t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l..o..o..k..e..d.. a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s.”

Q: Do you know why so many Italian men are named Tony ?

A: Because when they get on the boat to come to America, they stamp “TO NY” on their forehead !