many men

A country lad applied for a salesman job at a city department store. In fact, it was the largest store in the world. The boss asked, “Have you ever been a salesman before?”
“Yes, I was a salesman in the country,” said the lad.
The boss liked the cut of him and said. “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come by when we close to see how you’re doing.”

The day was long and arduous for the lad, but finally 5 o’clock came. The boss arrived and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”
“One,” said the young man.
“Only one?” blurted the boss, “Most of my staff make 20-30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?”
“Three-hundred thousand dollars,” said the young man.
“How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.
“Well”, said the lad, “this man came in and I sold him a small fishing hook, and then a medium fishing hook, and finally a really large fishing hook. Then, I sold him a fine fishing line, a medium one and then a huge big fishing line. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. Then I said he’d probably need a boat, so I took him over to the boat dept. and sold him that 20 foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said he wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car dept. and sold him the deluxe cruiser.”

The boss took 2 steps back and asked, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishing hook?”

“No, he came in to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, ‘Your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing!’”

Airplanes and women: A comparison

1. An airplane will kill you quickly-a woman takes her time.
2. Airplanes like to do it inverted.
3. Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
4. An airplanes thrust to weight is higher.
5. An airplane dosn’t get mad if you “touch and go”.
6. An airplane does not object to a preflight inspection.
7. Airplanes come with manuals.
8. Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
9. You can fly and airplane at any time of the month.
10. Airplanes don’t have parents.
11. Airplanes don’t care how many other planes you’ve flown.
12. Airplanes don’t whine unless there is something really wrong.
13. When flying, you and your airplane both arrive at the same time.
14. Airplanes don’t mind if you look at other airplanes or buy airplane magazines.
15. If your airplane is loose, you can tighten it
16. It’s always okay to use tiedowns on your airplane.

A West Virginia State trooper pulls over a pickupon I-79. He says to the driver, “Got any ID?”

The driver says, “‘Bout what?”
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Q: Did you hear about the $3,000,000 West Virginia State Lottery?

A: The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
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Q: Why did O.J. Simpson want to move to southern West Virginia?

A: He heard that everyone has the same DNA.
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Q: Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Charleston, WV burned down?

A: Yep. Prit’ near took out the whole darn trailer park.
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Q: What’s the best thing to come out of West Virginia?

A: I-64
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Two West Virginian’s meet while walking down the street. One is carrying a sack. One says, “Hey, Billy Joe, whatcha got in the bag?”

“Jus’ some chickens,” says Billy Joe.

“Iffin I guesses how many, kin I have one?”

“Heck fire, if ya guesses right, I’ll give ya BOTH of ‘em!”

“OK. Um…. Five?”
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Q: What do a divorce in southern West Virginia, a tornado in Kansas, and hurricane in Florida have in common?

A: Somebody’s fixin’ to lose them a trailer!
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Q: Why do folks in southern West Virginia go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?

A: ‘Cuz it says 17 and under not admitted.
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Q: Why don’t WVU football teams have ice on the sidelines?

A: ‘Cuz the guy with the recipe graduated.
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Q: How many WVU freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, that’s a second-year course.
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Q: How do you get a WVU graduate off your porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.
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The WVU football team was placed in a remedial English class. The professor asked the class, “Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?” All of the players raised their hands.

“The appeal!” they shouted with Mountaineer pride.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work.

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q: How do men define a “50/50″ relationship?
A: We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

Q: How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A: Make him wear shoes.

Q: How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer instread of one.

Q: What do most men and Colonel Sanders have in common?
A: All they think about are legs, breasts and thighs.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: ONE…He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q: What did God say after creating man?
A: I can do so much better.

Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: A woman to show him how to work it.

Q: What’s a man’s idea of honesty in a relationship?
A: Telling you his real name.

Q: What’s the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.

Q: What’s the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
A: Big Foot’s been spotted several times.

Q: What’s the smartest thing a man can say?
A: “My wife says…”

Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: Because you’re always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
A: To keep them from grazing.

Q: Why do men need instant replay on TV sets?
A: Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Q: Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Q: Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A: When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

Q: Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A: When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry lady demanded, “What took you so long?”

The unperturbed doctor replied, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.”