many men

These are true stories supposedly…

* Don’t let worry kill you- let the church help.

* Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

* For those of you who have children and didn’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

* Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

* Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing “Put me in my little bed” accompanied by the pastor.

* Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be “Little Mothers” will meet with the pastor in his study.

* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

* The service will close with “Little Drops of Water”. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

* Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

After all the men bashing jokes, it time to FIGHT BACK!!!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”

How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There’s a clock on the oven!

Why do men pass gas more than women do?
Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first? The dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after you let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won’t do what she’s told.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was
Always.

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don’t like to
interrupt her.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%…wedding cake

Responding to an ad in the paper for Bible salesmen, a man arrived for his interview. “I w-w-want to s-s-sell B-B-Bibles,” he said. His interviewer was hesitant, but because the man’s sales experience was so good, he hired him.

To everyone’s astonishment, within a few months, the fellow’s sales were the best in the company. The president called a meeting to congratulate him and to inspire the other salemen. “Son, tell us your secret for selling so many Bibles,” he said.

“I just go to the d-d-door and say, ‘W-w-would you like to b-b-buy a B-B-Bible, or should I c-c-come in and read it t-t-to you?”

There was a priest who heard too many confessions of adultery, that he threatened that if one more person was to say the word “Adultery,” he would quit his job as a priest. The citizens used the word FALLEN as a replacement for the word “adultery.”

Ten years later, the priest died. A new priest arrived in the town, unaware of the code word. After many weeks of hearing confessions of people falling, the priest went to the mayor. He told the mayor that some repair work should be done on the town’s streets because many of the citizens are falling.

The Mayor started to laugh hysterically at the innocent priest. Then the Priest said, “You shouldn’t be laughing, your wife has fallen 3 times this week!”

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work.

By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. “What took you so long to answer?”

“I was in bed.”

“What were you doing in bed this late?”

“Getting a second opinion.”