rehearsal dinner

Top ten sign’s your at a Redneck wedding…

10. Rehearsal dinner held at hooters

9. Instead of friends of the Bride, friends of the Groom, Usher’s ask Ford or Chevy

8. Bride’s maid’s pink tub top’s, Bride’s Groom’s Travis Tritt T-shirt’s

7. Phrase “i do” replaced with phrase “I herd dat!”

6. The “Wedding March” song performed by Hank Williams Jr.

5. Minster asked “Who giveth this woman to be married” some guy in the back stand’s up and yell’s “Earnhardt”

4. Reception Conversation includes the phrase “So what have you been doing cents He Ha Mr. Lindsey?”

3. Snack tray’s at reception include Vienna Sausages and Nacho Cheese Diorites

2. Plan’s for the honey moon evening include ticket’s to the NASCAR race

And the number 1 way to tell you at a Redneck wedding…

1. Sign in from of the church “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem”

There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up.

Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.

They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.

Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.

June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.

Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part.

The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up ‘73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!

Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.

Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of “Best Man.”

There would be “Tailgate Receptions.”

Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings.

Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.

Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. The cost of strippers and liquor really do add up.

Men wouldn’t ask, “Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?” They’d just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.

Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.

The bride’s dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form-fitted to her ass.

Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.

No one would bother with that “Veil Routine.” But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.

The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral/wedding (what’s the difference) or something.

Invitations would read as follows:

Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the old ball and chain… He’s getting married. He either:

A)knocked her up
B)couldn’t get a different roommate or
C)caved in to her ultimatum.

Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at Soldier Field Stadium on the 50 Yard Line at halftime during Sunday’s Game. Please join us at the Moonlight Lounge after the game for Beer, Nachos and Pizza.

Oh yeah… B.Y.O.B.

There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up.

Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cutoffs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.

Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.

June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part.

The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up ‘73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!

Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.

Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of “Best Man“.

There would be “Tailgate Receptions”.

Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings.

Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.

Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party.

The cost of strippers and liquor really do add up.

Men wouldn’t ask, “Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?” They’d just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.

Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.

Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.

No one would bother with that “Veil Routine”. But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.

The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral/wedding (what’s the difference) or something.

Invitations would read as follow…

Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the old ball and chain… He’s getting married. He either:
A) knocked her up
B) couldn’t get a different roommate
or
C) caved in to her ultimatum.

Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at Soldier Field Stadium on the 50 Yard Line At Half-time during Sunday’s Game. Please join us at the Moonlight Lounge after the game for Beer, Nachos and Pizza.

Oh yeah… B.Y.O.B.