Signs and Symptoms of Menopause
(2 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
Loading ...1. HOTFLASHES
You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. NIGHT SWEATS
The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed.
3. MOOD SWINGS
Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
4. MEMORY LOSS
You write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.
5. IRRITABILITY
Your husband chirps, “Hi honey, I’m home.” and you reply, “Well, if it isn’t Ozzie f—-ing Nelson”.
6. SLEEPLESSNESS
The phenobarbitol dose that wiped out the Heaven’s Gate Cult gives you 4 hours of decent rest.
7. FATIGUE
You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.
8. MILD INCONTINENCE
You change your underwear after every sneeze.
9. SUDDEN WEIGHT GAIN
You need Jaws Of Life to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.
10. DRYNESS
You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist.
11. FEMALE HORMONE DEFICIENCY
You take a sudden interest in “Wrestlemania”.
12. HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY
You’re on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.