Stupid Questions

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Q. Now, doctor, isn’t it true that, when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
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Q. How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
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Q. She had three children, right?
A. Yes.
Q. How many were boys?
A. None.
Q. Were there any girls?
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Q. Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?
A. I went to Europe, sir.
Q. Did you take your new wife?
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Q. How was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
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Q. Do you recall, doctor, the time that you examined the body?
A. The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q. And was Mr. Dennington dead at the time?
A. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
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Q. You say you were shot in the fracas?
A. No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
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Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. I’ve been qualified to do that since early childhood.
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Q. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A. No.
Q. Did you check for blood pressure?
A. No.
Q. Did you check for breathing?
A. No.
Q. So then, is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A. No.
Q. How can you be sure, doctor?
A. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q. But could the patient still have been alive, nevertheless?
A. It is possible, I suppose, that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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