An Irishman is driving down a quiet country road when a policeman drives up behind him and pulls him over.

“Excuse me sir,” the copper says, “I don’t believe that this is your car.”

“I can assure you it is,” Paddy replies.

But the PC still doesn’t believe poor old Paddy, so he gets him out of the car and onto the road. The policeman then proceeds to draw a circle around the Irishman and returns to the car.

“I’m going to hit this car on the bonnet with my baton”, threatens the policeman, “and if you laugh then I know it’s not yours.”

The Irishman agrees and the policeman smashes the shiny red bonnet with his baton. He turns round to see the Irishman giggling. “There. See - it isn’t yours.”

“Yes it is”, says Paddy.

So the policeman turns back to the car and shatters all the windows, only to turn round and find Paddy holding his ribs, pissing himself with laughter.

“Right you’ve got one more chance sonny” warns the copper, and he kicks and beats the car until it is beyond repair. He turns round and is astonished to see Paddy rolling around on the ground absolutely wetting his pants.

“If this is your car”, says the PC,”what the bloody hell is so funny?”

“Well”, replies Paddy, “every time you turned round, I stepped out of the circle!!”

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This joke is filed under Irish.

A successful businessman flew to Las Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket; if he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver’s license number, his address, etc., but no avail. The cabby said, “If you don’t have 15 dollars, then get out of my cab!” So the business man was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line. “How much to a ride to the airport?” he asked.

“15 bucks,” came the reply.

“And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?”

“What?! Get outta my cab!”

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same results. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, “How much for a ride to the airport?”

The cabby replied, “15 bucks.”

The businessman said, “OK” and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

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This joke is filed under Funny Stories.