A guy calls home from work and a strange woman answers the phone. The guy says,”Who is this?”

“This is the maid,” answers the woman.

“We don’t have a maid!”

“I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.”

“Oh. Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”

“Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone whom I just naturally figured was her husband.”

He’d always suspected, but now he knows.
He says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?”

“What do I have to do?”

“I want you to get my gun from the desk in the den and shoot the witch and the jerk she’s with.”

“$50,000? Really??”

“Yes”

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. “What should I do with the bodies?”

“Throw them in the pool”

“What pool?”
(….PAUSE)

“Uhhh…isn’t this 555-4821?”

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A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her.

She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.

“But why?” asked the disappointed wife.

She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, “Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I’m pregnant.”

The wife said, “Look, we don’t want to lose you. My husband and I don’t have any children, and we’ll adopt your baby if you will stay.”

She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.

After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.

In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby.

She worked for a week or two, but then said, “I am definitely leaving this time.”

“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant again?” asked the lady of the house.

“No,” she said, “there are just too many kids here to pick up after.”

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This joke is filed under Funny Stories.