The Monsignor and the Priest

A new priest saying mass for the first time was so nervous that he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor told him that he appeared nervous but that he had some advice for him. He told the new priest that he always puts a glass of vodka next to the water glass. “If I get nervous I drink from that glass” the Monsignor told the priest. The following Sunday the priest took the Monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and drank from the vodka glass. He began to feel more relaxed and proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass the priest found the following note on his door.

1. Sip the vodka, do not gulp it.
2. There are 10 commandments not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. David was hit by a rock and knocked off his horse, he was not stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the “BIG T.”
11. When Jesus broke bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for this is my body,” not “EAT ME.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.”
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yea God!!
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

This joke is filed under Religious.